Winter's Star

a rather bleh day

2012-02-16T21:03:00.003+08:00

some thoughts on how bleh my day/week has been:
1. chronic sleep deprivation leading to me being very absent in the presence of company
2. having multiple failed attempts at cannulating of my nicest patients on her birthday
3. finding out that i *still* haven't been paid for working on australia day
4. working overtime on a thursday, then coming home to find out that my siblings are too busy studying to play games with me, and my mother doesn't want to go shopping
4.1. spending my time studying from my old notes instead
5. realising that i have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life

argh.

Valentine's day

2012-02-06T20:48:00.004+08:00

I had to do a little bit of cleaning over the weekend, and with Valentine's day coming up next week, I thought I'd share a treasure that I stumbled across:

{my year eight friend/boyfriend material checklist}

It turns out I do have a "type", after all- I'd simply forgotten!

Disillusioned

2012-01-29T11:08:00.002+08:00

I get scolded so much that it no longer paralyses me.

There are some kind people, but not nearly enough.

I am always tired, and often short-tempered.

Men have really disappointed me.

I have everything I want, so why do I feel this way?

week 1

2012-01-21T21:21:00.002+08:00

somehow it feels as though i have hurtled head first into an angry ocean. i think i have done enough healthy whinging in person for me to be bored of this topic, so suffice it to say that i started work on a busy rotation, amongst more experienced colleagues, and it is taking me a little longer than i would like to get up to speed.

i think i have been focusing too much on the negative things, so instead i bring you a positive review of my week.

monday: reg makes eye contact with me, and actually speaks to me during the round. (unfortunately i am unable to answer any of his questions. okok, back to being positive).

tuesday: i crash ernest's small group and join in their game of space alert

wednesday: i begin to feel like i am getting the hang of things... the day is less busy day in general, and at night i go to buen 151 for dinner and have awesome sushi. i cannot stop myself from yawning throughout the meal.

thursday: i suture for the first time in months, receive some fantastic news, get my first paycheck for the year, and treat my family to dinner at jojo's.

friday: i wake up refreshed with close to eight hours' sleep. (this is necessary for me to survive, because later at work i get totally trampled by my workload). i find myself extremely thankful that it's friday, and that i'm not working over the weekend. my colleagues and i celebrate the end of our first week by having a late lunch at the byrneleigh.

saturday: i go shopping! and enjoy a movie with james.

sunday: that's tomorrow, but i am looking forward to hearing joe share the Word :)

every new beginning

2012-01-13T20:47:00.002+08:00

i can't count the number of times i've said it feels so surreal. the last time i remember feeling this way was during my early university days.

it only took two pagers and a mobile phone to remind me that this is all very real. with some supplemental evidence in the form of having to sign notes, charts, and forms under my own name. suddenly there seemed to be too much freedom to decide which drug, what dose, and what formulation, at what rate.

scary, daunting, fun, exhilarating.

i'm looking forward to it :)

(but i'm also going to do a bit of revision this weekend to try and reduce how... scary/daunting everything is)

it's going to be a crazy year. and through it all, it is my earnest desire to love and trust Him in everything i do.

fear and apprehension

2011-11-24T13:23:00.004+08:00

it's a very strange feeling to have spent so many months looking forward to grad week, and then when it arrived, to think that all of that excitement was overrated after all. stranger still, to go in having been stripped of expectations and then discover that i really enjoyed graduation dinner after all.

lots of people seem to be expecting me to feel exuberant about this next phase of life. truth be told, i'm having real difficulty mustering any real enthusiasm. mostly because the future is looming, and it looks very daunting.

fear and apprehension.

but take heart! for courage is not the absence of fear, but acting in spite of it (Mark Twain).

it is less than 48 hours until we make our oaths.

dissonance

2011-11-19T21:11:00.000+08:00

one of the reasons i like traveling is because it takes me away. not just physically, but away from my usual habits and and rituals, away from the things i do to fill my day. away from the life i know, so that i can know more about life.

it's a different box, with different insulators, but they are not mine. what remains lies at the core of what makes us human.

i didn't think it was time yet; this time i was enjoying my numbness, when it was nevertheless smashed around me. and what to do but let that empty space inside of me open up. and it does so, eliminating in the process the things which were not good enough.

and here is the heart of a matter- there is a dissonance between the big picture, and small details. you know what i mean. it's like one of those pictures everybody used to have in high school, where a thousand smaller pictures, seemingly unrelated, make up each shade and gradient of a much larger picture.

how then do we engage in the things which do not matter, without losing sight of the image they form? or perhaps it is instead that everything matters.

i do not know how this puzzle is resolved.

suffering

2011-11-15T22:57:00.004+08:00

sometimes we are given storms. sometimes the purifying fire burns, the sculptor's chisel cuts.

the past three weeks have been incredibly difficult for me. at times i cried for the innocence i lost, that naive optimism i once had. wondering desperately if i would -could- ever feel whole and complete again. praying somehow that God would use my suffering for a bigger purpose, one that i perhaps do not yet understand.

to those of you who sat with me as i tried to 'study', who texted randomly to ask me how i was, who called and listened to me express my sorrow, who brought me gifts, who hugged me and told me you loved me, that i was not a moron, and that i worth so much... thank you :) your words meant so much to me. i cried as i read them, then reread them another two times.

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

- None but Jesus, Hillsong

surrender

2011-11-10T09:41:00.005+08:00

He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” - Matthew 26:42 (NIV)

I find myself arguing with God in the morning. But Jesus never experienced this. Surely you cannot know what this feels like, I say. But as soon as the words form themselves on my lips, I know that I am wrong. For is not Christ the bridegroom, and the church, his bride?

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

- Mighty to Save, Hillsong Australia

hope

2011-11-06T23:11:00.001+08:00

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12, NIV

day 5

2011-11-01T09:07:00.002+08:00

on the fifth day after major colonic surgery, one must always be on the look out for an anastomotic leak.

i am amazed by the fragility and the resilience of the human psyche in equal measure.

one last shift

2011-10-31T20:35:00.003+08:00

tonight is the last time i'll ever have to go in to hospital as a student (pending exam results).

this is a momentous occasion!

(alternatively, the next time i have to do a night shift, i won't be able to sit at home blogging 40 minutes after the official start of my shift)

generation gap

2011-10-26T17:16:00.004+08:00

I woke up totally dreading the multitude of errands I had to run today. Cold, rainy weather should be reserved for sleeping in, not for collecting visas, meeting professors, and entertaining relatives.

I cheered myself up by reflecting on some amusing conversations I've had with three gentlemen over the past month or so.

Conversation number 1, pre-breakfast tutorial:

me: so, dr H, have you ever heard of pokemon*?
consultant: pokemon... ah yes, I think I read about them in the paper the other day.
me: so what are they?
consultant: it's some creature that's being chased by ghosts
me: err... no. i think you mean pac man.

Conversation number 2, online conversation with dad:

me: haha ok. i might do that
dad: ok. do what you think is best.
me: ok cool np
me: (np= no problem)
dad: thanks for the explaination! I'm going to take a shower then hit the books.

Conversation number 3, meeting with prof:

Prof: sorry I'm late, I was caught up in a meeting...
Me: oh no that's fine! I was just updating my diary anyway
Prof: that's a physical diary; a paper diary
Me: (cheerfully) That's right! I'm old school. At least if anyone releases a huge electromagnetic pulse like in the Matrix, I'll still know when my appointments are.
Prof: tt could also be a Farenheit 451 situation
Me: erm, not sure, I haven't watched that movie
Prof: it's a society where they burn all the books instead
Me: er, oh, haha... yeah well I suppose there's always that alternative

Finally, I have just realised that Casting Crowns played at this year's Hillsong convention. I'm totally devastated that I missed it.

Looks like I'll be needing more amusing conversations to cheer me up.

*speaking of pokemon, I think Sherbet is secretly a pokemon. The only word she knows how to say is her name.

i'm great, thanks!

2011-10-21T18:09:00.004+08:00

yesterday, a colleague of mine asked me how i was, to which i automatically replied "not too bad, thanks". he stopped what he was doing and remarked "you always say that".

how true. why settle for such a mediocre response? why not "i'm great!"

i actually am great. it's approaching the end of the year, and i've finished all of my practical assessments. there are only two written exams between me and graduation, and three weeks for me to study for them. i'm not feeling particularly stressed, and my timetable isn't exactly demanding.

according to the latest AMA magazine, i should even have good health parameters as a result of living in close proximity to a very nice park.

following exams, there will be a week of relaxation (ie re-reading the obernewtyn chronicles, including the Sending), followed by a week of formalities and festivities. and then i'll leave for my grad trip.

so...all in all, this really ought to be the time of my life. i don't have reason to feel anything less than great.

ask me again :)

{well clothed, well loved, and too well fed}

p.s. owl city, you've done it again.

camera trends

2011-10-17T09:24:00.003+08:00

i am the proud owner of a panasonic dmc-tz10. i loved this camera so much that when it broke, my dad went out and bought the same camera. well, hopefully an upgraded version, but it looks pretty much the same to me.

having said this, i do realise that people who use DSLR cameras tend to take much more beautiful photos- that is, if they can be bothered bringing/using their cameras. personally, i don't like lugging things around, so i am sure i would fall into the secondary category and not end up with any photos at all.

i was just clicking at random online shopping sites and came across the Pentax Optio WG1. how amazing does that sound? but i don't know very much about camera specs, so i figured it could end up being extremely dodgy. the last pentax i used was a black and white film camera... probably safer to trial one out in person. but then a couple more clicks brought me to the Panasonic Lumix FT3.

a lumix, like my favourite little camera, except indestructible!

apparently it even shoots 3D photos! i can't really imagine this... holographic photography?? putting aside my initial impulse, i can't really justify getting one of these cameras. i already have a reasonably new, perfectly good camera. and the last time i went swimming was in January.

days like this

2011-10-13T12:38:00.004+08:00

today was one of those days where from the moment you wake up, you know that everything is going to go wrong.

...So you plan for it.

You double your estimated parking time, because the rangers all know your number plate
You reverse and make turns slowly, because everybody's forgotten how to drive
You drink lots of fluids, because you know you'll develop side effects from your injection
You run your errands around your family's schedule, because you'll be the designated driver today
You keep your eyes on the ground, so you don't end up stepping into a pile of poop
You try to dress nicely, because you'll have to take a photo with a pimple on your forehead
You pick all of the safe options, because you don't want to accidentally end up under investigation

and when somebody shows you an act of kindness, you trip over your words as you thank them, because you're so surprised.

it's funny how on days like this, we value things so much more.

vacation planning

2011-10-09T09:19:00.005+08:00

really looking forward to my upcoming four days off. now that i've only got one shift to go, i feel like i am going to survive it. i also think that the cost-benefit ratio of working the weekend shifts is in my favour- instead of working five days a week and getting two days off, i work an extra two days and double my time off. :O nice!

i used to wish i'd chosen a shorter degree so that i could graduate earlier, but now i realise that life would have been a lot more taxing without all of these endless summer holidays. regarding the upcoming vacation, i am currently trying to decide between a week-long road trip and bumming around at home. you'd think this would be an easy decision to make, but it's not!!!

Reasons to go
- i really, really want to go to exmouth/ningaloo reef
- limited opportunities/leave once i start working
- won't be able to go as a large group due to said leave issues

Reasons to stay
- should really spend more quality time with my pets and family
- help mum out with the housework so she can play more golf
- save $$$ since i'm going overseas
- will have more time to catch up with friends/sort out misc admin stuff/pack instead of cramming it all into grad week
- way too tiring; might just want to bum around and R&R at home and recharge

senioritis

2011-10-04T19:39:00.003+08:00

according to wikipedia, "a colloquial term used in the United States and Canada to describe the decreased motivation toward studies displayed by students who are nearing the end of their high school, college, and graduate school careers". hmm.

i am really, really tired. i also have a rather long adjustment time, so short rotations are not particularly good for me.

the faculty ball was held last weekend, and there were a few comments on how we can see the finish line, we're almost there, it's been a long haul, etc etc. but it didn't really feel that way to me. i was too busy analysing the assessments i'd just done, cataloging all the things i'd forgotten to say, and thinking about the assessments to come.

it feels like i have been doing this for way too long. stop the world, please, i would really like a break.

dominion and deceit

2011-09-26T09:12:00.003+08:00

Romans 7:21-24 (NIV)
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;
but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?

We find the solution in chapter 8 :)

some final shots...

2011-09-23T20:06:00.002+08:00

...because I just can't help myself.

{sunrise at 0600 hours}

{leaving work early one day}

{the view from my driveway every morning}

it's good to be back, but also quite exhausting. i guess i haven't quite adjusted back to the fast-paced life of the city ;)

Last week in the country!

2011-09-18T12:31:00.007+08:00

In one week, I'll be on a bus bound for home. I can't wait. As lovely as it is being surrounded by the ocean, I cannot explain the compelling force I feel every morning as I drive to my tutorials and see the TransWA busses at the terminal.

Yesterday was a bit of a housewife day for me- grocery shopping, cooking, baking, dishwashing, ironing. I have learnt that being a housewife requires a lot of frontal lobe processing. Really, there is an awful lot of executive planning going on- and if not, then there is an awful lot of food wastage. Fortunately, it has been a stepwise learning process from my elective experience, and I am managing to cope reasonably well.

{rice for dinner}

{cake for dessert}

I also had about 2 minutes' worth of fishing before my hook and sinker broke off and that was the end of it. I was quite upset and I imagine I must have had a very dark expression on my face, but I was slightly cheered by the friendly country folk who said things like, "you look very professional, did you catch anything?" and "did you leave any fish for me?". It's a nice change from "welcome to Australia", and "you speak beautiful English".

The folk here are very friendly. And the nurses are wonderful. I know I've already said this, but I am definitely going to miss having the beach at my doorstep- nice, quiet, small, and absolutely lovely. It has that special quality of your local kopitiam- knowing that your house is just a stone's throw away.

Of course there's always the flipside; not being able to ring a friend and ask them to come over and hang out. It's something that I hardly ever do, but it's nice to have the option. Either way, that's one thing I'll miss- the comfort of proximity.

Verse of the day- 2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (KJV)

the empty house

2011-09-12T18:12:00.005+08:00

people keep asking me how i'm finding it down here. the short answer is, i really like it. it is very beautiful and peaceful. i have never ever considered myself a beach person, but i can already see how i will miss it when it is time for me to leave.

i guess the only real downside is the fact that i'm here alone. it is a shame to be surrounded by beauty and have nobody to enjoy it with. having said that though, i've really been blessed with good company. i now understand why people throw 'housewarming' parties- it really does make a difference living in a house full of warm memories.

here are some photos i took when j was in town:

{observatory point}

{twilight cove}

the learning here is pretty good too. there are regular (good) tutorials, and lots of hands on experience. i spent all day today consulting patients, with the gp standing in the corner. i usually put in very long hours, but today i actually managed to get a proper lunch break and leave by 5pm! i ended up taking a walk along the jetty, and look who i saw:

{sammy the sealion!}

i eventually turned around to walk back because the sun was setting:

just as i was nearing the end, one of the ladies urgently asked me to turn around, so i did...

we took our cameras out and snapped for a few minutes, but my photos do no justice to reality. eventually i simply stood and watched as the large, ethereal moon floated over the distant archipelago.

rural!

2011-09-02T19:01:00.003+08:00

Hello from rural Australia! I'm going to be living in the country for the next four weeks as part of my rural rotation.

It's been surprisingly good (and busy!) so far. My parents drove down behind the bus (not directly) to settle me in, so I've been trying to spend as much time with them as possible. This involves trying to surreptitiously not be present at the practice.

Unfortunately, today TWO GPs requested my phone number. I knew this day could not be avoided indefinitely.

{me & my parents at a rather overrated little beach}

Most people are very friendly here. I spent the day with my allocated GP today. He is a most eccentric character, and I very much like him. Examples:
- he tries to sneak up from behind me when I call to ask where he is
- he takes me on home visits in his land rover, and when I point out rather primly that this is barbaric and I am inappropriately dressed in stockings and a pencil skirt, he pats a handle and says "there's the monkey bar, go on, up you go"
- he has a dingo (who followed us for the home visit)
- he answers his phone with "batman speaking", often followed by "I'm in the batmobile"
- he teaches, and also lets me get my hands dirty (PR and curette today, with the promise of future proctoscopy)

So... that's it in brief. I haven't really returned home yet so I'm not sure how I'll feel about having a big, empty home all to myself. More on that later, perhaps.

regression

2011-08-29T16:23:00.002+08:00

my earliest memory of truancy would be when i was in kindergarten. my parents were pretty lenient with us and if i was sound asleep, they wouldn't wake me to go to school. so one time, i feigned sleep for the entire week. on monday of the following week, my mother decided to call my bluff and insisted i go to school.

this morning, i lay in bed imagining myself 24 hours ahead of time. i imagined arriving in the evening, being cold, and having nothing to eat and no form of entertainment. suddenly, being in a beautiful, isolated town, and studying free from the distractions of the city seemed a lot less appealing than i had formerly imagined. i started recalling how lonely/bored i was in the evenings in the UK, which is much more densely populated than where i'm heading.

at this point, mum burst into the room. *flashback to seventeen years ago*
mum: "Olivia! still haven't wake up ah?"
i opened my eyes.
mum: "Oh I see, you're pretending to sleep only."
me: "I'm enjoying my blanket. And my queen sized bed. I'm going to miss my bed."
mum started laughing. "See la! You always so gung ho. Then last minute chicken out."

so, so true. although to be fair, i never really backed out re: Austria, which was probably my most challenging trip, and undertaken when i was relatively young. i did end up having season two of the OC to save me. and E3.50 tickets to see performances at the vienna opera house. that is really quite unbeatable. i don't think there will be anything like that where i'm heading.

3 embarrassing moments

2011-08-23T17:15:00.004+08:00

1. reverse-curbing when trying to reverse out of my driveway this morning. i flinched, but recovered in time to see the man waiting at the bus stop laughing at me.

2. shouting "louboutins!" when my professor was trying to retell an anecdote, and paused to ask what brand had shoes with the red soles.

3. spotting one of my previous consultants as we were walking through a park, and cheerfully calling out "hello, Dr P!" when i saw him trying to avert his gaze.

i bet it sounded like all three moments were going to apply to me. in actual fact, point number three negates one of my earlier embarrassing moments, meaning that i only have a net embarrassment of one moment today.

BL online

2011-08-21T12:20:00.003+08:00

last week, i was pretty amused to find my mother surfing bettina liano's online store while we were waiting for candice so we could leave the house.

i can probably count the number of times i have ordered things online (excluding tickets) on one hand. however, candice has been going ebay crazy, and little parcels are arriving every second day from hongkong. i can only assume that that was the trigger for mum and i to decide to place an order from the BL website. (FYI the claremont store closed down, so we can only order in from the Eastern states now). fingers crossed everything will fit properly! and fingers crossed it will arrive within the week so that i can experience some parcel joy before heading off for my rural placement.

in other news, i finished* my rotation on friday! i decided to celebrate by allowing myself to read the rogue, which has been sitting on my bookshelf for the past month or so. now that i think about it, it seems very uncharacteristic of me not to have gone shopping. i'm probably just realising my financial situation and impending poverty.

happy sunday, everybody! xx

*unfortunately, i still have assessments and reports to write up. so the party has to end soon. blehh.

pause.

2011-08-14T12:52:00.003+08:00

sometimes i get a bit carried away, making new demands once each safety point is checked.

as if taking time to reflect means everything would cease to function.

living in single-minded rapid fire for perhaps at the end of the day, some kind of meagre, miserly satisfaction.

..

today i just felt an overwhelming need to pause, to take a brief moment to say thank you.

from my hiding place

2011-08-12T20:40:00.002+08:00

so. no word about this rotation at all, because it has been giving me unreasonable amounts of anxiety. don't ask me what's so awful about it- i wouldn't be able to tell you. although i do recognise this as entirely irrational, i can't quite escape its grip. so i am just going to clench my teeth and endure the ride.

on the plus side, i'm more than halfway through, and there is only a fortnight left. i already feel much happier from that thought.

also, we've found out where we are going for our next placements. apparently i am going to the only region i listed under "DO NOT SEND ME HERE". but i'm surprisingly happy about it. probably because it means this rotation will be over. gah.

yours sincerely,

holding on xx

dependent

2011-07-20T20:42:00.002+08:00

had a really horrible day today. great forces were all at work to annoy me, with both people and animals as their pawns. counting only the number of ways in which animals have harrassed me today:

- sherbie, despite having undergone an overnight fast, managed to poop mid-flight during his morning release, when i was already running late for uni.
- could not figure out which keys went to which of osky/mei/peanut's homes. so ended up trying keys in front of both neighbours' houses and managing to look like the neighborhood burglar.
- osky didn't want to eat his dinner. while i was standing there, puzzling over how to solve this issue, he casually walked over and pooped right in front of me.
- mei scratched and hissed kaixing.

okay technically in the last example kx was harassed, not me, but all dog owners find it distressing when their dog is cowering between their knees. particularly when it's in response to a rescued kitten.

having said that, kaixing gazing at me with her squeaky ball between her jaws is priceless. maybe i'm biased, but then maybe dogs really are man's best friend.

commemoration

2011-07-18T19:35:00.002+08:00

back to school again, for my final semester of university. the past two weeks have been a whirlwind of fun, excitement, good food, and sleep deprivation.

as suddenly as it all began, i found myself sitting in the mary lockett LT this morning, listening to my lecturer as he said "it's the beginning of the end". something about 130 days until we graduate. he repeated it quite a lot, in fact. 130 days, 130 days, 130 days...

oh yes. and we also got our job offers today, and i did get my preference. and strangely enough i am also going to spend the rest of my rotations this year in the same hospital, ie >50% of this year in one hospital! pretty crazy, given that i hardly ever got my first preferences in the previous two years.

umm.. and actually i don't have much to say. i have a week of lectures before starting my next rotation. seems like fun! i'm looking forward to it. we're doing plastering tomorrow morning :)

oh and i'm also excited about catching up with some of my friends whom i didn't see over the entire two week winter break. yaaaaaaayy!! can't wait!

Latest addition to the family

2011-06-29T22:45:00.005+08:00

Everybody, a belated meet Herbert-Sherbet/Rory-Lori/Troll:

{hello, humans!}

The latest addition to our family :). S/he is a rainbow Lorikeet Kaixing rescued from four crows. When dad opened the door to our garden, Kaixing rushed out and chased the crows away. She started sniffing the Lorikeet and followed him as he ran around our entire garden because he could not fly.

You may have noticed that he has no tail feathers- they have been dispersed all over our lawn. Crows are such bullies! We think that they may have been responsible for Maggie's untimely disappearance.

{it took me a few minutes to realise what dad was holding}

Dad put it back in the tree where its parents were, but it wasn't moving very much. So we tried feeding it.

We tried raw minced beef (kaixing's favourite), but it wouldn't eat. We were about to try seeds (maggie's favourite), but some friends told us that Lorikeets eat sweet things. It's true. S/he took honey from my finger until we could purchase some Lorikeet feed from the shop.

{kaixing trying to meet and greet}

Kaixing is completely smitten by the bird. When we let it around the house, it will usually run to some corner and sit there. Then Kaixing will lie down beside it and stare, fascinated.

For some reason, S/he seems to be perpetually occupied with defecating. We've had quite a lot of collateral damage in the form of mum's jeans, and my Leavers' jumper.

I think this will be my last post for a little while. I'll be flying over east tomorrow night. Yay! :D

last day of term

2011-06-24T17:25:00.002+08:00

today was the last day of my current rotation. i really love that end-of-term feel, it's a bit sad but i probably enjoy it more than actually being on holidays.

whenever people give me weird looks, i always explain that it's the fun of learning (and being surrounded by friends), without the pressure of exams and achieving.

in school we used to do all sorts of random topics so that it always a little bit quirky. today, there were lots of fun twists:
1. consultant greeted me in the morning with a gift
2. getting quizzed in the biochemistry meeting
3. random clinical thinking lecture in the afternoon

to celebrate, i spent half an hour sitting in the sunshine and reading my new book :)

adam & eve

2011-06-22T08:48:00.004+08:00

Genesis 2: 7-9 (NIV)

v7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realised they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

v8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.

v9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"

pink spectacles and pikachu

2011-06-16T18:09:00.006+08:00

I have decided that giving my number to my registrar/resident was not such a good idea after all. I had to do it because my consultant is very keen on listening to me present. Consequently this week I have been called numerous times to ask if I'm "around the hospital", once when I was in fact at home, and the other time JUST as I was trying to leave the hospital. Given thursdays are my only opportunity for a half day, I think working from 8-3pm ought to count as a reasonable amount of hours. But no.

So even though I have completed all of my assessments, I am still finding myself at hospital from 8-5pm every day. But I am relieved/relaxed enough to amuse myself, such as when i saw this (excuse my dodgy phone camera and attempt at maintaining confidentiality):

{a pikachu-themed stethoscope!!! i want!}

My team was bent over in concentration over a medication chart, and I had long given up on trying to guess at their thoughts. That was when I spotted the stethoscope, remembered that my phone has a built in camera (in all its 2 megapixel glory), and then had to embarrassedly look away when my phone made an extremely loud capturing noise.

The day that I snuck out of clinic, I went to Broadway to pick out some new spectacles. They are pink (!), and very nerdy looking. My childhood self would have been ecstatic. When I went home to tell my brother about my new purchase, he said "hmm they look a little bit geeky, but they're nice!"
To which my response was, "HuH? I've had this pair since year 10" (I was wearing a majorly old pair of spectacles).
Mum knowingly said "he's a guy, they never notice this kind of thing." LOL. How wise, mother.

bad habits

2011-06-11T10:27:00.005+08:00

it's that time of year again- nearly halfway through when i find myself struggling to remember my new year's resolutions. i was relieved to recall i didn't make any this year :P.

of my two boyfriend projects, guitar and i are not working out at all, but jogging and i are doing quite well (yes i'm two-timing).

i have also begun to notice some bad habits creeping into my daily routine, such as:
1. not helping out enough with the household chores
2. not reading bible regularly enough
3. spending way too much time at claremont quarter
4. developing chai latte addiction (courtesy of previous team's coffee break practice..)

speaking of bad habits, there's one that always gets a mention at hospital- not washing hands! thanks to Dr Semmelweis, we now realise the importance of good hand hygiene. while i was doing bad habit #3, i discovered this hand sanitizer. i don't know what its pathogen zapping qualities are, i am quite sure stocking the hospital wards with this would improve hand washing by miles ;). well, at least among the female staff. would probably be detrimental to male hand washing practices, now that i think about it.

wait a minute mr postman

2011-06-05T11:15:00.004+08:00

there was a bundle of unopened letters on the table the other day, bound by an elastic band. i rifled through them in a sudden breath of nostalgia, as if a letter from one of my pen pals would be delivered through space and time.

whenever i was expecting something in the post- be it letters, shopping, offers of acceptance, i would listen to Please Mr. Postman to try and ease my excitement.

i did end up getting a letter. it was from my superannuation company. blehh.

Verse of the week* - Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. (TNIV)

*this is one of my favourites, so you could probably also call it verse of the decade!

good morning monday

2011-05-30T07:09:00.004+08:00

the birth of a new week
the welcome relief of
pulse
respiratory rate
tempbloodpressuresats
of people with bigger problems
and who desperately
need
a bigger God

"and till i see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home
i'll trust in you" - Till I see you, Hillsong United

derm clinic

2011-05-26T17:38:00.006+08:00

today i found out that I still have steady hands on zero sleep, but no concentration whatsoever.

i was in a group dermatology tutorial when we were asked whom amongst us wished to be a dermatologist.
answer: nobody.
so the tutor said "alright then, who's interested in surgery?". mine was the only hand raised. after this, i was booted to the surgical clinic to assist in excising skin cancers for the rest of the morning.
and although this meant i didn't have the opportunity to see all sorts of interesting inflammatory and systemic skin conditions (like the other students presumably would've), i suppose it was still a valuable learning opportunity because skin cancers are incredibly prevalent in australia.

this rotation has been totally hectic. it's a combination of long rounds, (unnecessary coffee breaks), plenty of ward jobs, and no interns on the team. this week i spent on average ten hours/day doing university or hospital-related activities. when i get home, i am totally exhausted. it's quite amazing, actually. i am still really enjoying it, but also very much looking forward to the coming weekend...

random tutorial blooper #1
me: okay guys, so what goes in and out of the Na/K pump?
group: *silence*
me: alright i mean obviously it's Na and K...
*random girl in group bursts out laughing*

random tutorial blooper #2
me: would anyone like to come up and draw the motor neuron --> skeletal muscle pathways?
group: *silence*
me: your reward will be fame and glory
random guy: uh, our other tutors bring us lollies

childhood stories

2011-05-21T11:15:00.003+08:00

one day, the sun and wind decided to have a competition.

they both agreed that whoever could make the man remove his coat would be the winner.

the wind tried first.

he blew as hard as he could, but no matter how hard he blew, the man only clutched on more tightly to his coat.

then it was the sun's turn.

he just smiled at the man. even though the man ignored him, the sun just kept on shining.

"phew, it's getting warm in here," the man thought.

and took off his coat.

TGIS!

2011-05-14T08:47:00.005+08:00

I couldn't log onto blogger yesterday, so here's a TGIS picture post instead:

{oscar in our garden}

above, oscar takes one small step towards world domination. and below, my very pleasant discovery this morning: "Quilton loves your bum". LOL. libra odd spots, anyone?

{toilet paper, if you didn't realise}

week 1 of gen med

2011-05-12T13:40:00.000+08:00

all weekend long i was eagerly anticipating starting on a new rotation with a (hopefully) eccentric consultant.

olivia's criteria for eccentricity (male version)
- interesting eyewear (eyewear- but not particularly interesting)
- briefcase (check)
- suit (yes; with added holes for character)
- long/white/curly/steel-grey hair (nope)
- frequent use of intensively curious expression (check!!!)
- european accent (nope- disappointingly, not even a british accent)
- strong opinion on obscure topics (check)

total of 4.5 points = high likelihood of eccentricity

i'm very disappointed about the presentable haircut, but i can't really complain. furthermore when he heard someone making a cynical comment, he didn't laugh along with everybody but very heroically corrected her and emphasised the importance of never losing empathy in our profession.

needless to say, i'm just a little bit star-struck.

also, i noticed today that i am definitely regarded as part of the team. even though all i really say is "i'll check with X and get back to you". i am not really sure when that change began, but it's the start of an irreversible movement towards graduation. NO! i've only put in fifteen or so cannulae this year! job applications? what?? somebody slow the passing of time, please.

meanwhile, happy international nurses' day! thank you for the free chocolate cake and chai latte :)

chicken soup is good for the soul

2011-05-07T10:30:00.004+08:00

i finished reading Spurgeon's All Of Grace between my lab classes yesterday. around a year ago, i was convinced that what i was lacking in my spiritual life was grace. not that i didn't already have it, but i wanted the conviction of grace. as i was explaining to E, i didn't want to just sing Amazing Grace during church, i wanted a personal understanding of it. i wanted to experience what John Newton must have felt when he penned that famous hymn.

eventally, i became convinced that if only i read this book (an online copy is available here, by the way), i could be levelling up spiritually ;). of course, it's pretty silly to try and contain God in a formula, and by the time i actually managed to obtain a copy, i was well aware that God does not, in fact, need a book to remind me of how sinful i am. i read the book anyway.

i'm in between rotations at the moment, and it is pretty evident just how productive i can be as long as studying is not on the cards. between 0800 to 1030, i went for a run, showered, convinced my brother to replace my lightbulbs (2 out of 3 had blown!) and fix my laptop, prepared lunch/dinner, and did the dishes.

this morning, mum assigned me to unsupervised cooking duty, which i was absolutely thrilled about. learning how to cook with my mum is a bit like learning how to do practical procedures in hospital. you have to watch it done 100x before you actually get to do anything. well, she had no choice today, so as she left the house, she insisted that all of the cooking was done outside, so that at least the house remained clean.

i was meant to cook chicken macaroni, which is pretty easy- in theory. However, mum told me to fry the garlic first because it takes forever to cook. that was the start of my troubles. by the time i had finished frying, nearly everything was dark brown/black. when it came to filling the pot with water and putting the chicken in, there were all these black bits floating around the top. i'm pretty sure burnt anything would make the soup bitter, so i got a sieve and fished everything out. which left... just the chicken, and water.

i suppose theoretically, that should still make soup?

{lunch!}

O is for Obedience

2011-04-30T14:22:00.006+08:00

when i was growing up, one of the common activities we would have to do in school was to turn our name into an acrostic.

i would always say that the O in my name was for Obedience.

as i grew older, it became a lot less cool to be Obedient. i remember in my very first PBL tutorial, i decided that the O was going to represent an Orsome Olympic Orange. i was pretty much happy to mention anything other than obedience.

there is a song i remember singing as a child. it goes like this:

trust and obey
for there's no other way
to be happy in Jesus
but to trust and obey

and now, i'm approaching full circle as i rediscover the worth of obedience.

UTI land

2011-04-27T21:45:00.003+08:00

today, i was diligently attempting to complete an operation worksheet. by diligently, i meant i was trying to do it properly- assess the patient beforehand, take their history, scrub in for their operation. this is how it went:

nurse: can you put his catheter in?
me: uh. yes, but i think i'll probably end up contaminating it
nurse: okay then never mind, i don't have time to teach you right now

i proceed to ask my registrar if i should start scrubbing up

registrar: have you put a catheter in before?
me: yes
registrar: okay can you put his in?
(cannot say no to registrar, right???)
me *turning to nurse*: errr hi, i guess i am putting this catheter in after all

what then followed was a bit of a zoo, where i had the nurse, anaesthetist, surgical registrar, and scrub nurse all trying to tell me how to put a catheter in. and apparently everybody had their own preferences.

but then there was one unifying point- apparently, i was not picking up the patient's genitalia firmly enough. i was holding it gently and attempting to thread the catheter through, and then there was a flurry of comments about how i needed to be more assertive. the patient was already asleep by this point, thankfully, because then somebody said that i should pick it up like i would when ------. i was like, huhhhh?? so some kind soul said but she's a virgin!, which the others promptly attempted to clarify with how would you know? she didn't say if she was or not.

i finally decided to announce my presence by saying 'i'm not married'. this prompted a second flurry of comments which is too crude for repetition.

the surgery went on for way longer than i expected. by the time i got out, it was getting dark. also very cold and rainy. but when i checked my phone, there was a message from mum offering to pick me up from the hospital. she seriously is the best.

allied health

2011-04-22T19:46:00.004+08:00

I feel like I ought to mention some of what happened last night, since I alluded to it in a previous post. Candice and I went to a KTV place for pre-drinks. There, I was peer-pressured into having my very first shot (vodka, in case you're wondering) by a bunch of 2nd year students. How sad. A couple of minutes later, my face and ears were so warm that I had to refuse a second round of shots in case I gave myself something like an etOH-induced version of malignant hyperpyrexia.

We made it to the club at 11pm. At this point I should mention that over the past couple of days, I've been listening to one of the pre-released mixtapes so that I would know some of the songs being played at the event. The DJ who released that tape was playing from 10-11pm, and seeing as we had not yet arrived by this time, my entire study was pointless. My sister assures me that these are songs that I ought to know, but I am sure that the next time I enter a club, there will be a whole new bunch of noisy songs to learn.

I guess it was fun. We made it home by 0330hrs.

I spent the majority of today drifting in and out of sleep. It was a very warm, typical lazy Sunday... except not a Sunday. For the past couple of years I've spent good Friday driving up North for Easter camp. And although I'm not going this year, it doesn't take away from the incredible love that Jesus demonstrated in being obedient to death by crucifixion.

Song of the day: Worthy is the Lamb
Book of the day: He chose the nails, by Max Lucado

blue swimmer crabs

2011-04-17T07:56:00.002+08:00

there was a spectacular sunrise this morning.

i wish i had taken a photo of it, but as usual, i was in too much of a hurry to be on my way before the sun's rays can freckle my already much-too-freckled skin.

the river was unusually calm; it was one of those rare mornings when you just know for sure that you are going to see dolphins.

so i looked and i looked, for all of 90 minutes, and of course no matter how desperate i was, i couldn't see any. i am sure they were close by, though- i heard their characteristic gentle blowing.

what i did see were blue swimmer crabs. i've never seen them in this part of the river before, but they were abundant. tess went into the water and tried to befriend one, but it zoomed off. those creatures are really fast! you really don't get to appreciate their speed and quirky swimming when they are bound and crowded into a fish tank.

i kept looking, my heart and eyes turned to the river on my right. on my left were the two dogs, one of them harassing me to throw a tennis ball. i did. the ball ruffled the shirt of a passing runner. he turned back to look at me. i sheepishly called out an apology. he raised a hand in acknowledgment and continued running.

when i went home, i told mum all about how i wanted to see some dolphins this morning but instead just saw two wet, sandy dogs and a whole lot of blue swimmer crabs. she then said she'd never seen them here before, and how she wished she'd joined me on my walk this morning.

i wonder if there's a lesson to be learnt in that.

happy palm sunday, everyone xx

old but new dresses :)

2011-04-16T10:05:00.007+08:00

university is going well, the chaos of the last two weeks is over and i am settling into a nice routine and getting on top of all my assessments.

i'm definitely just an average student, though. i was presenting an old case to two registrars yesterday, when one of them stopped me and asked me a question. while i was frantically casting my thoughts into oblivion, the other registrar smoothly described what had happened, and the rationale behind it. needless to say, i was pretty shocked.

"you are presenting a patient on the X team", she said. "i'm on team X. if you present a patient from that team, of course i will know the case".

(mind you, this case was from weeks ago, and i was having difficulty recalling it when i only really had to know TWO cases this well, compared to something like two hundred. plus she was not on the team when the patient was in hospital).

"at that time i was away on leave but i still know the patient".

oh okay then. no wait, excuse me? what did she do, come in and read all the patient files during her leave? and am i suppose to develop superhuman memory between now and graduating?

on another note, candice and i both decided to go to an event next week. we've never actually been clubbing together before (i've gone a few times with my brother), outside of big family parties. so this morning we started pulling out dresses and modelling them in front of mum.

it was really fun! as usual, we kind of got carried away and just started pulling out one dress after the other. i didn't see my siblings very much over the summer break, so we didn't get to show-and-tell our shopping purchases like we usually do.

and in the whole process, i discovered even more dresses that i've never worn before. yay! it's the thrill of buying a new dress, without the price tag.

unfortunately, during the modelling process, mum made me drink 1.5 cups of freshly blended juice. when i protested, she said "diarrhoea! then your stomach flat". when i tried explaining that it's not good to lose weight by inducing diarrhoea, she countered with "this is how people detox. they flush out their intestines".

how could i argue with that? she was describing home-made picoprep.

energy!

2011-04-09T16:22:00.000+08:00

reflecting on the academic year so far, i can see my motivation levels plummeting...

week 1: 6 day week
week 2: 5 day week
week 3: 4.5 day week
week 4: 3.5 day week

oh dear. but from week 4, i have discovered the therapeutic effect of taking friday morning off . ie even better than taking friday afternoon off. i think i am human again. to celebrate, monday shall be free cannula insertion day :D

random funny conversation i came across while checking my msn message log for an address for tonight:

2/26/2010		2:59:51 PM		J says				S: mmm sigh im so lazy i just want to sleep all afternoon J says: notemaker wont be pleased!!!!!!!!!!! S says: she's malfunctional! so whatever
2/26/2010		6:39:15 PM		O says				! S's really gonna get it from me now :P

(I asked S to take notes for me while I was overseas ^_^)

goodbye, summer

2011-04-05T17:17:00.000+08:00

according to the weather forecast, we are going to be experiencing a sudden drop to autumnal temperatures on thursday. finally. but yesterday i found myself sitting in the sun during all of my breaks. could it be, that when we are finally about to get the cold weather i've been dreaming of, i've learnt to appreciate the sun's warmth?

yesterday i had another navigational adventure. it involved me catching public transport (ha!) to a hospital i haven't been to in years. so once i got off the train, i identified the top three most doctor-y looking men, and proceeded to stalk them. they promptly brisk-walked off in three different directions. ugh. so i ran after one of them and called out "excuse me! hi, do you know where X hospital is?" he was going there himself, so i followed him. the end :)

anaesthetic life!

2011-03-30T21:25:00.002+08:00

my latest source of amusement is a magazine called anaesthetic life. it's like women's weekly with a medical spin. it covers topics like: do doctors make poor conversationalists? and there's a surgical life also.

anaesthetics is fun. i haven't learnt as much as i did during my previous option unit, but i've been doing quite a bit of practical stuff. today i was happily chilling in the corner, when the anaesthetist turned to me and said "so your job is to put the drip into the patient".

i know i said that my goal for the year is to put in as many drips as i can, but i was envisioning a less stressful situation than before theatre, with surgeons, nurses, technicians, all waiting and the cost/minute of running a theatre continuing along without any consideration for others at all. so i happily informed him that "uh, well you see, my drip success rate isn't really..."

he bought it. and proceeded to demonstrate "ideal textbook cannulation method". i actually regretted not having a go myself, because when the patient came in i saw that his veins were enormous. typical!

then we decided we could bag-mask ventilate patient one for the entire duration of their procedure (it was a quick procedure). halfway through, my muscles started aching like mad, and i confided in the anaesthetist that i was feeling some major lactic acidosis in my muscles. he volunteered to take over, but i heroically said that i would continue, unless it interfered with my ability to maintain a good seal on the face mask.

so there i was, crouched uncomfortably over the patient, muscles aching, watching the surgeons as they critically evaluated their work. time stretched to infinity. when the surgeon randomly paused and looked up at me, i thought of my pain and how ridiculous the situation was and started giggling like mad. "just some lactic acidosis", the anaesthetist said, by way of explanation. i laughed even harder. the surgeon asked me if i'd snuck myself some laughing gas.

oh, and i also got accused of being a homewrecker. by my supposedly sedated patient, no less! turns out he was less sedated than i had realised, and listening with great interest while i was being harassed by the surgeon. but i forgive him, since he generously allowed me to bring my drip count up to two :)

the sending (update)

2011-03-26T10:46:00.002+08:00

So it looks like the sending will be published this year. Of course, the release date was postponed, so I have returned all my lovely bright orange-spined books to their place on my bookshelf. To be resurrected during my rural posting, perhaps?

Fleshing out all threads and the promise of another book, how exciting! Isobelle Carmody really is a faithful author, and for that I am faithful to her writing, haha.

Meanwhile, uni is really tiring me. A combination of long hours, inconvenient transport, and dodgy timetabling. So far, the successful cannula count is -wait for it- ONE. But everybody needs to start somewhere, okay, so don't ask me what percentage hit rate that is.

This afternoon, I will be going to the second installment of a series on biblical manhood, womanhood, and courtship. It's really starting to feel like I am over-intellectualising, or being over-educated on the matter.

And yet, still there is nothing of that elusive beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4).

what's your goal in life?

2011-03-17T19:32:00.006+08:00

this evening, a friend and i were having a conversation over nothing in particular. feeling slightly bored, i decided to throw in a question to make things interesting- as you do. the question i asked was: what's your goal in life?

he was quite taken aback. as was i, when i realised that i didn't really have an answer. how could this be? i reached into all the things that hold up declarations from my past.
- my decision in yr 12 to live the rest of my life filled with passion and compassion.
- a quotation by Erma Bombeck, "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
- another decision made at the start of university to be obedient to God's calling for my life.

these are ways of living, yes, but i guess they are not true goals? somehow 2 Timothy 4:7 comes to mind: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (NIV)

is it... to be happy? (no.) to have the highest GPA? (no.) to be rich? (no!) to be the best surgeon in the world? (err... no.)

so i wonder, how important is it to have a goal? and does it make any difference between living and existing...?

home/zoo update:
this evening i caved. i was waiting for my family to finish eating dinner so that i could wash up, and asked if there was anything i could do in the mean while. there was- maggie needed to be fed. so i grudgingly got out the mount barker chicken and proceeded to lay bite-sized pieces at his feet. and as for dad, he has decided that maggie is a real loser amongst the birds of our suburb, based on maggie's particularly bad hairstyle. am i alone in finding my parents' personification of a magpie somewhat bizarre?

also, somebody please tell my addled brain to stop spiking cortisol at 4am in the morning. i am not quite sure what the significance of 4am is- midnight in England? morning in Melbourne? is it too much to ask for more than 4.5 hours' worth of sleep/night?

random memory of the day:
walking to clinic with my team this morning, when one of the doctors suddenly pushed me off the path and yelled "shortcut!"

embracing 2011

2011-03-13T10:21:00.005+08:00

today is the last day of my summer holidays. which, by the way, extended two weeks into autumn. it has been a very well-paced break, and i am a little sad that it will be over so soon.

tomorrow i start on my my surgery/anaesthesia term, two of my favourite specialities. of course i am excited, but they will be a repeat of terms that i have previously completed. in other words, i would really have loved to be placed on a neurosurgical team instead!

going back a little, 2011 came very suddenly upon us. i was at changi golf club celebrating on new year's eve with my family, when i suddenly realised "oh crap. haven't made a new year's resolution". of course if you make one up on the spot, it is very difficult to remember/keep, so there is no resolution this year.

however, i do have a couple of "boyfriend projects" for the year: jogging and guitar. the term originated in fourth year when i realised that i had a lot of spare time, but nobody to spend it with. my closest friends in university were all in exclusive, time-consuming relationships. i decided that i may as well invest in some hobbies/projects the time that i would otherwise have spent with my boyfriend had i been in a relationship myself. hence the term boyfriend project. at that time i started running a lot also, and playing musical instruments.

in a few months my cohort will be writing job applications. i am thinking about applying to a hospital which is very close to my home. the only problem is that i have not actually been on any real placements in this hospital, so i don't have a good feel for what the hospital is like. it's something i shall have to pray about/think on over the next few months.

it's a pretty scary thought that we are now the seniors of the clinical students. i feel most undeserving, but i suspect that this sentiment will drive self-study in the year ahead. oh, and i am still not good enough at inserting cannulas. i shall make it my personal goal to put in as many as i can this year.

to tame a magpie

2011-03-09T09:06:00.007+08:00

hello!

i'm blogging from my beloved laptop, newly fixed by dad. he left me a hilarious note:

Olivia, whoa........what type of font are you using? Anyway, message is the hard drive has been changed to a 500Gig Hitachi, same size and speed as before.
Managed to transfer everything just as before. I've only added a programme called cutepdf writer so that i could convert my roster to pdf format and send to mum.
I don't hear any click click sound from the computer even in the quietude of my room in LAX.
You owe me SGD66,
For being entertained by your computer for the last few days, I'm willing to pay SGD66.
Enjoy, dad

meanwhile, i returned from my travels to find that my mother has adopted yet another animal- this time, a magpie. it's been rather unfortunately (and unimaginatively) named maggie, which is also one of my cousins' nickname.

at first i thought it was just a bit of a joke, but this magpie (i refuse to call it 'maggie') actually waits in the same spot every day. and of course my mother feeds it 5-star mince beef, just as she feeds kaixing 5-star mince beef, and salmon to the (neighbour's) cat. our garden is turning into a zoo.

{taming of the magpie*}

we also have fish, by the way.

*okay, okay, no more lame lit references in this post.

Tadaima! :)

2011-02-27T13:07:00.005+08:00

It's good to be back. To file away my anxiety (from being away) along with my possessions. I've been back nearly a week now, just settling back into life in Australia. The weather's been horrid (consistently >35C), which makes me feel very lethargic. So I've been napping an awful lot. That too is nice.

So what have I been up to these past three months? The bulk of it (nine weeks) have been spent on my electives, both undertaken in very scenic locations. I spent quite a lot of time admiring sunrise, waves rolling, leaves falling, sunset, during both electives, so I decided to share a photo from each.

{Palawan, The Philippines}

Theme song: For you alone

{Cambridge, UK}

Theme Song: In Christ Alone

Romans 1:20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse (NIV)

weeks 8+ of elective

2011-02-09T00:16:00.002+08:00

i've been working in accident & emergency and critical care. when i tell people, they ask why i chose this elective. why not in a bigger city? why not in south africa, where trauma is rampant? why not america, where people turn guns on each other?

well, in my five-and-a-half weeks here, i have seen plenty of trauma. plenty of resuscitation and surgery. of lives ruined and lives lost. true, the causes are different, but it is trauma nonetheless.

usually i can just switch the emotion off, i can scrub in and assist without any qualms, read blood gases with academic interest instead of horror. but today suddenly it's all too much.

why the waste? what remnants of life will these people return to? for them, especially those who are younger, what is living about now? when you are unable to walk, can barely feed yourself, or have lost those closest to you?

they don't cry for themselves. i wonder if they can.

exploring the surrounding areas

2011-01-30T06:18:00.003+08:00

i've only really been talking about my little excursions, so this is turning into a bit of a weekend blog. but i assure you i am still on my elective, and going to hospital monday-friday. just that there's no reason to discuss anything about my daily living because you're all already on my elective email list (if not, shoot me an email and i'll add you).

today kiran and i hired some bicycles and cycled to a nearly village? suburb? called grantchester. we went to the orchard, which supposedly has some amazing scones. i thought they were alright. what excited me was that virginia woolf used to go there for tea, as did maynard keynes and a whole bunch of other famous people who were prominent figures in my high school education.

{sign from the Grantchester Meadows entrance}

We then hopped onto a train bound for Ely, and walked around the town. It was, as promised, quite lovely. And the cathedral was amazing. I think definitely one of my favourites so far. This is kind of cliche, but I also really like Notre Dame.

{Ely cathedral}

We went home and killed some time, then I tried out Zubeida's carbonara recipe. She bought the ingredients and was planning on teaching me, but we never got around to it, and the ingredients were reaching their due date. So before she left for the weekend, she verbally talked me through it. Of course, I got all of the instructions muddled up, and got all the quantities wrong. Kiran has been very encouraging, and tells me it tasted fine, but was lacking in salt. I thought it was bland, too. Then I realised that I'd forgotten to add cheese. Whoops.

{The final product}

Ruth 2

2011-01-25T04:19:00.002+08:00

Praise God that He is a God of "it just so happens.." There have been too many coincidences, and truly in all situations God works for the good of those who love Him. Thank you, God.

Weekend in London

2011-01-18T18:18:00.004+08:00

The last time I was in London, I wasn't a very good tourist. All I saw was Harrods (though quite extensively), the outside of Buckingham palace, and the Engineering department of Imperial College.

This time, Jing set out to rectify the situation.

{The tea selection at Fortnum and Mason}

It was kind of cool because you could smell the tea before deciding which one to buy. Jing swears by the tea so I bought some.

{The British Museum}

{London Eye and the Thames}

{Me standing cheekily next to some calvary dude outside a museum}

{A cool self-juicer at Borough markets}

I'm on night shift again tonight. So J and I had a little wander around the city centre. And went into the university library (!!!). They still have some of my information from 2005. Gosh.

first weekend in the UK

2011-01-10T21:36:00.007+08:00

I spent the weekend visiting Cambridge and Oxford. Having walked around Cambridge already, I will still struck by how magnificent the buildings in Oxford are.

{The chapel of King's college in Cambridge. Described by Wordsworth as "this immense and glorious work of fine intelligence!"}

We also walked around Clare college, because it happened to be open to visitors that day.

{The view from Clare bridge}

In Oxford, I visited Christ Church college, where parts of the Harry Potter movies were filmed.

{The dining hall of Christ Church}

{An oblique view of Christ Church from the meadows}

In between my sightseeing, I also managed to try my hand at cooking. Mind you, I don't mean any of this English overcooked vegetables/ extremely dry roast nonsense.

{My attempt at fried rice}

arriving in the UK

2011-01-04T15:46:00.003+08:00

a couple of months ago, it dawned upon me that going to the UK for six weeks would be something of a challenge because i'd have to cook for myself for that whole time. but towards the end of last year, my concerns shifted towards how i was going to actually arrive at my destination.

the first part was smooth enough: get on the right plane, make it through immigration and customs, find the national express coach, get on the right bus, get off at the right stop. the next bits were slightly more challenging: wait for a taxi at a deserted stand on a cold night, wheel luggage bags through the hospital's revolving doors, and wheel said 35+kg of luggage around the hospital site trying to find desired block of flats. i met a co-elective student (also from Australia!! hooray), and quite gladly let him lead the way. i had enough difficulty trying to wheel my bags through the unforgiving sidewalks. i think one of my wheels is quite damaged already.

when we arrived at the apartment, we saw that the other elective students had arrived already. and were informed that the kettles were not working (instant noodle plan foiled), and that the shower was not working either. and also that we should knock on random people's door asking to use their shower. at this stage i'd been traveling for close to 20 hours, so not showering was not really an option. i knocked.

later, feeling tired but clean in J's room, i had my first brilliant idea. why don't we check that the iron is working, i said. because if it isn't, we can get them to fix it when they come to change the kettle. so i got out the iron and turned it on. looked around for something to iron. could not locate anything, so decided to iron the carpet. and promptly smelt something dodgy...but don't worry, i hadn't started a fire or anything. when i placed my hand on the carpet, it was warm (= iron working), but also hard (= melted carpet).

i'm back in singapore!

2010-12-26T23:33:00.002+08:00

i am grateful for:
- hot water
- clean water
- electricity
- air conditioners
- washing machines
- sleep

had an amazing trip to the philippines. how am i suppose to summarise three weeks into one blog post? i guess i won't even bother. but if given the choice, i'd definitely do it all over again.

since then, i've been catching up with friends and family. and when i'm not busy doing that, i've been catching up on sleep :)

three weeks in palawan

2010-12-04T06:49:00.002+08:00

i'll be leaving for changi airport in ~two hours. i'll be flying off to spend three weeks in the philippines for the first half of my elective, which i will undertake with seven other classmates from UWA.

the program we chose is the Agape Health Program. the question everybody asks is why the philippines? well, it fit our criteria of being 1) a developing nation, 2) a christian elective, and 3) reasonably safe. plus there was a bonus recommendation by a previous UWA student.

i won't be bringing my laptop because we'll be spending most of our time in rural conditions.

aerobics

2010-12-01T18:36:00.005+08:00

fact number 1: i am in singapore
fact number 2: i am staying at my aunt's
fact number 3: today is wednesday

facts 1+2+3= i had to go to aerobics class with my aunt (and 15 other housewives) this morning.

aerobics pretty much equals 1.5 hours of humiliation. during this time i really missed my little sister, because if she were doing it with me, we could at least share the mirth. what i did instead was to select a spot at the very back of the room, and attempt to remain discreet.

shortly after this, the instructor started calling out in English. "Move your hips!", "shake like this!" and so on. the primary language of instruction is Chinese, so her use of English meant that she was referring to the aerobics noob at the back, ie me.

she then decided that i needed extra instruction, and insisted that i stand closer to the front of the room. so much for discretion. from my new vantage point, i spotted a young girl sitting down while she waited for her mother to finish. how come i wasn't allowed to sit out?

we had an extended period of the jelly hips today, which was quite painful. the instructor could give shakira a run for her money. i, on the other hand, more closely resemble the tin man from the wizard of oz. she kept making me put my hands on her iliac crest to "learn" how to shake my hips, and at one point decided that i wasn't getting the picture and perhaps i should put my hands on glut max instead.

i am so traumatised. never again. (i said that last time, didn't i?)

horseriding and packing

2010-11-28T23:39:00.007+08:00

the highlight of my fortnight of anticipation thus far would have to be thursday. i went horseriding with a group of girlfriends, followed by mundaring pizza. the pizza was good, but i'd say not worth the drive (mundaring is very east). in any case, we don't usually organise girls only events, so it was a very pleasant experience for us all.

i got to ride zara, the slowest horse in the entire group. she just trodded along the entire trail ride. to pass the time, my mind drifted off into a number of alternate scenarios: me as a rider in Lord of the Rings, and then as one of those policemen who patrol the city on horseback.

i started packing for my upcoming trip to singapore/the philippines/england this morning, starting with the UK segment.

so after months of assuring my friends that i am an experienced traveler and capable of packing light, it turns out that i was wrong.

clothing pile thus far for my trip to England

the mere sight of it makes me nervous. i still have to pack for the other destinations, including mosquito net, sleeping bag, and LINCS stuff.

mum says that the flights to singapore are very full, so i may have to leave Australia earlier than i'd like to. most likely tuesday, so i really have to get on with the packing.

i think i need a bigger suitcase.

a fortnight of "freedom"

2010-11-20T19:07:00.009+08:00

i have been thoroughly enjoying my post-exam habit of decluttering my desk and laptop. there's the mundane task of filing notes and lectures away, and the very therapeutic effect of chucking out past exam papers and other scrap.

mum's alternative use for some of my unwanted paper waste

i don't think i can talk about the details of the OSCE without feeling sick. basically, it is a clinical examination held in the outpatient clinic of one of the teaching hospitals. we get 16 + 1 (rest) stations of seven minutes' duration, and are rotated through each station by a series of whistles- one to enter, one for time's up.

over the next two weeks our marks will be discussed by the examiners, and those of us who fail will get a phonecall/email on the 1st of december. that gives us roughly two weeks to perform repeated analyses on our performance and the likelihood of remediating. which sort of makes it difficult to enjoy post-examination liberation.

i'm trying very hard to move on (read: avoiding OSCE-dissecting post-exam "social"- ha, more like academic- gatherings). because of the way my elective has been organised, i have to leave for singapore before the 1st of december. i'm almost psychologically ready to purchase a flight ticket.

as for the final instalment of the UK visa saga, it has been approved! thank you to those of you who listened to, complained with, or prayed for me.

life on hold!

2010-11-08T10:03:00.003+08:00

stopped taking roaccutane today. i'm a little bit nervous about whether my acne will recur or not, but i can't take the pills (as wonderful as they are) forever.

also, had terrible concentration during the weekend. i was finding all sorts of ways to procrastinate, eg playing the piano, looking up bilingual children's books and fantasizing about being able to speak chinese. at one point i even fantasized about learning french.

maybe it was because i was forcing myself to do GP study, and now i can look forward to doing some serious Obsgyn & Paeds study before my first exam on friday.

an update on the visa front- my application has arrived in canberra. my heart nearly stopped when i saw the email from CANCGVisaInfo letting me know that processing had begun. for a moment i had to pause, and remind myself of the one in whom i trust.

life resumes next friday, the 19th of november. but not until after my OSCE, which is scheduled for the afternoon. more on that later, perhaps.

TEE revisited

2010-10-29T07:07:00.004+08:00

this year's exams are a little bit like the TEE. as a fresher (year 7) you start hearing some ominous things, but shut it out to worry about later. by the time you get to fourth year (year 11) there is massive foreshadowing of the fifth year exams (TEE). and when you're in fifth year you spend all year studying/intermittently revising for the exams because you realise that at this stage all-nighters (even several in a row, if you're resilient enough) just won't cut it.

this is not just the Upper Years trying to scare us- everyone in the hospitals is trying to impress upon us the magnitude of these exams. you'll often hear something like this: "you have your BIG osce this year, right? Mm... i remember that..."

still, i doubt anything can ever meet the intensity of year 12.

my biggest concern at the moment is probably ophthal.
it's the one subject i never learned properly, and my first rotation of the year (ie in the shadowy corners of Memory).

and i have further reason for concern- we had an ophthalmology exam in term 1, and laid out on one of the question pages were three pictures of a fundus. the task was for us to write down the cup:disc ratio in each. easy, right? no.

i cannot interpret those images, they just all look pretty much the same to me. hyperaemia? new vessel proliferation? swollen optic disc? silver wiring? uhh yeh actually... no. nope. can't see it. so i just made up three ratios and surprise surprise- they were ALL WRONG. i actually got a whopping 0/3 for that page.

this morning i looked at some of the ophthal notes that my classmates have been studying from.
31 page+ 6 page+8 page documents, it's feasible. as long as i'm not asked to interpret any images.

also, i received the outcome of my UK visa application: rejected. i was quite crushed- the whole process of applying is quite arduous and expensive, and to top it off i have exams in two weeks. still, i am choosing to trust that everything will work out fine.

i shall stick E's messenger status here, because it has been encouraging me: "If things go wrong it'll be alright- cos someone greater is watching over me".

on feminism and relationships

2010-10-25T07:09:00.004+08:00

i recently bumped into a friend who has this firm belief that i am a feminist. i remember once trying to assure him that i have great appreciation for my undergarments, but he obviously wasn't convinced. the truth is, i once looked up what it meant to be a feminist. and according to our favourite online encyclopaedia, i actually am! a liberal feminist, to be precise.

one thing i really believe in is equal pay for equal work. if a woman does the same job as a man does, ceteris paribus, then she should get the same salary.

what i don't believe is that women should be paid the same as men regardless. ie if sportswomen want the same pay as their male counterparts, they should rival their (the men's) performance. so if a female tennis player can hit a ball as fast as a male tennis player can, then sure, ask for equal pay. but if not, then just as women protest against being discriminated against, so should we protest against receiving preferential treatment in the workplace.

and of course, there is the other domain where feminism has really made an impact: relationships. and what started me writing this post in the first place was that i was finding yet another way to procrastinate by reading this article. i've deliberately linked the third page because of how beautifully Ms. Stranger phrases the conundrum (paragraph three).

if i recall the invigorating speeches made during Assembly periods in my school, the vast majority of them were about being great leaders, women of the future, etc. women nowadays are earning more money than their male counterparts. at least, some female undergraduates in America are. so do we still expect our meals paid for, or do we go dutch?

or should we just do what the guest speaker for my Yr 12 Valedictory service suggested, and marry down?

the unintentional countdown

2010-10-13T20:02:00.008+08:00

only three more weeks of paeds, then exams.

it really is starting to dawn on me how close graduation is. since 4th year, patients have been saying "not long to go now", but every year before now has gone by soooo slowly that i never really allow myself to imagine being an intern. 5th year really has flown by- and it is only now that i have begun to feel tired.

some of that has probably got to do with my waking at 0530 hours every morning for the past week. i thought it was just my usual sensitivity to the light, it being nearly summer and all. but when i looked at my watch this morning and saw that it was 0450 hours, i decided it had gone too far and refused to budge until 0630 hours. when i tell them, my fellow (reasonably)-soon-to-be-interns classmates can't make up their minds about whether i am anxious or depressed. perhaps both?

also had a very eventful day in hospital and i am exhausted now. my consultant arrived and decided to do a ward round shortly after the wednesday morning teaching session. the rmo (resident medical officer) was off putting a cannula in somebody, so i took the files and volunteered to scribe. there i was, clutching the files to my chest awkwardly, when the consultant turned to me and asked how i was doing, and if i was her new rmo! i was like er, no, i am your student (and have been for the past week that you've been on call). i don't know how it is that some consultants can see your face in all the meetings but never take any notice until you are introduced. it's quite a common occurrence, too.

once we were introduced it was fine. i sat in with her during endocrinology clinic and she was quite happy to discuss our patients. in fact i accidentally cut her off during an explanation about a certain rare medical condition.
consultant: yes so in that boy we had to blah-blah-blah because blah-blah-blah.
*pause*
me: okay thank you so much! ... *picks up bag, file, stethoscope*
consultant: in [insert condition name], the patient will often have [insert associated symptoms]...
me: ohh mm uh-huh *crap! did i just interrupt the consultant?*

remember that post on CTEC? well, the day came sooner than expected. i left clinic in a hurry so that i could attend the WAMSS suture workshop from 5-7pm. 14 students showed up, myself included, which was a little disappointing considering there were enough spots for 50 students. it was taken by two plastic surgeons, and definitely not a waste of time.

in terms of other news, lodged UK visa application today. fingers crossed.

off to do some PICOs and evidence based medicine for my THIRD case report (out of 4).

it has begun

2010-10-06T21:51:00.003+08:00

so i was sitting here, innocently listening to some Scott Darlow when my mother approached me with a suspiciously large envelope...

...containing radiographs of my brother's OPG. my reflex reaction was "mum, i'm not a dentist". of course, hers was "i know, i know, but will you just take a look at this anyway"

the other day, kaixing also had a right-sided facial swelling. we took her to the vet and it turns out that she also has wisdom teeth, plus abscess formation! he gave her antibiotics, and i had a peek at the generic drug names. would you believe it- amoxycillin + augmentin, which is precisely what i'd suggested to my brother :P

so there you go- paediatric endocrinology by day, and moonlighting as a dentist/vet.

paeds endocrinology is going fabulously. i love, love, love my entire team. even so, i doubt i'll specialise in this area. CAH and Pituitary disorders are interesting, but all of that insulin adjusting would drive me nuts.

life's like a box of mooncakes

2010-10-02T16:34:00.004+08:00

number one food i miss about Singapore would have to be mooncake. specifically the double egg yolk traditional-style mooncake. unfortunately, i doubt i could impress upon the quarantine authorities the severity of my cravings every october.

i haven't gone back to Singapore for the mid-autumn festival for at least 10 years. in that time i've become much less picky.

recently, mum brought back a box of mooncakes (no egg- i don't know why but i'm always hoping). they're multicoloured, and a random assortment of flavours. i chose a light spearmint-coloured one.

bit into it.

found lots of chunky bits of carrot.

veggie-flavoured mooncake??! who would do such a thing! -_-

reading is my escape

2010-09-24T17:21:00.003+08:00

i still remember the excitement of doing the occasional night shifts. right now, i am rostered with one of the emergency teams and there is nothing at all exciting (or natural) about arriving for the start of your shift at 10pm. i am not sure which is the culprit- the compulsory attendance , having further commitments in the morning, or their regularity.

on the other hand, i have just finished a most excellent book- Volume 1 of The astonishing life of Octavian Nothing, by M.T. Anderson.

intelligent, thought provoking, and quite beautifully written.

{an excerpt from when Octavian is being punished}

I waited, my arms outstretched at either side, until he turned again, and began to stack them, volume after volume, on my hands.
"When I was a boy," said he, "this was my punishment. Standing with Milton weighing upon one hand and Shakespeare the other. But you... you shall be encumbered with your own past, hm?"
My hands bobbed beneath the weight.
"Drop one," he said, "and you shall be caned." He stepped into the experimental chamber and shouter for Bono.
Turning back to me, he said, "Here, my boy, was the miraculous aspect of this little torture, as I found. When twenty minutes had passed, and I was permitted to set down the volumes, or they were taken from my hands- when I was relieved of the weight of the books- I marked that as I dropped my empty arms, they rose again of their own accord..... They drifted upwards. They felt as light as air. I could not keep them down. 'Twas an ecstatic sensation.... My arms yearned for the stance of punishment; and when they lifted thus, I could have been flying. This, you must understand, Octavian, is the true and sublime end of discipline: that you may rise into a new and glorious buoyancy."

-- MT Anderson, The astonishing life of Octavian Nothing: Volume 1 The pox party (p.50)

why worry

2010-09-13T12:42:00.003+08:00

"worrying is putting faith in the world, not in God."- anonymous (actually, I've just forgotten)

recently, i have been quite occupied with worrying. about:
- my studies, specifically EXAMs
- a presentation i was meant to give at grand rounds
- all the other stuff i have to do: visa, vaccinations, birthdays, assessments
- worrying

the last one may seem strange, but my bible study group is starting a video series by Andy Stanley, called "why worry". and i know that i have been worrying, and that it shows that i am lacking in faith, and that i should really stop worrying. which is why i'm worrying about the fact that i've been so busy worrying. (so much that i considered not showing up for bible study.)

i will take point number #2 as an example. three weeks ago, i was worrying about an evidence based medicine (EBM) group presentation, which is our obs&gynae assessments. simon and i were sick with sore throats, and i remember asking my cell group to pray for our health.

it turned out that we did so well for our presentation that we were called back to present at the hospital's grand rounds. this led to another 3 weeks of stressing, because this time we'd have to present in front of a lot more people, the vast majority of whom were infinitely more knowledgeable than us.

but really, i needn't have spent the past three weeks rehearsing my part while half asleep in bed, because i received an email this morning saying that there were no available time slots, and that we no longer have to present. i can't believe i spent the past 3 weeks worrying, and we don't have to present after all!!!

this morning when i opened my closet, i was greeted with various shades of grey/black. ugh- what a sight for a lovely spring day! it made me think of Matthew 6:28-29:
"And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.
And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." (KJV)

paeds day 1

2010-09-07T09:53:00.006+08:00

i started my emergency paeds rotation yesterday. it was a 3pm-midnight shift, and i've been a bit anxious about this because i'm quite awkward around kids. unfortunately, kids know when people are uncomfortable- you just can't fool them.

ED was so busy! i had no idea who all my team members were, and also very little idea of how to do specific Paediatric history+examination. in fact, my paediatric textbook hadn't arrived in the mail yet, so i was using this book i borrowed from the library called "Paediatric Secrets". i think the idea is that there is a pool of questions that students are frequently asked. i'd gone to my shift armed only with 282 "secrets".

the other student also had no idea what we were supposed to do. she said that her plan was to stand around until somebody noticed and assigned us a task. i was more cynical, and my brilliant idea was to tag along with a registrar and just observe for awhile.

that's what i did, until the consultant spotted me and said that he needed all of the doctors to be working very hard, because ED was so busy. and so would i be comfortable seeing patients on my own?

of course i said yes.

for the next couple of hours, he would assign me a patient, i'd clerk and examine them, and then i'd present to him. by 1930hrs, i'd seen 7 patients, and i asked for a dinner break. i didn't really want to eat alone, so i drove home... and the rest is history. i felt acutely grateful for the comforts of home- a chair, food, time, the option of panadol for my budding headache. in fact, i was so comfortable that i couldn't bring myself to go back to hospital.

paeds day 1- epic fail.

13/9/10 update: in fact my registrar did note my absence. our conversation the following day-
M: you told me you were supposed to stay until 12 yesterday, but you left after dinner?
O: oh yeah! yeah M you know i really wanted to... but i was just too tired!
RMO (passing by): *conspicuous laughter*

city to surf 2010

2010-09-02T21:06:00.003+08:00

On Sunday, I joined thousands of other West Australians for the annual City to Surf run. Why? I'd like to say I did it because it was for charity, but in reality I just wanted to know if I could.

I began my 9-week pursuit of self-discovery with a 5k run. By the weekend of C2S, I had only managed to increase that to 7.5km. I just had to hope that I had that extra 4.5k in me somewhere!

First they came...

2010-08-28T08:36:00.003+08:00

First they came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up,because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me.

- Pastor Martin Niemöller, "First they came..."

week 10 of O&G

2010-08-26T14:48:00.003+08:00

on tuesday, something dreadful nearly happened. i was having dimsum with six of my classmates, and i suddenly wanted to know if somebody had posted something on my facebook wall. seeing simon's iphone4 (seriously though, why would you need an iphone4 if you have an iphone3 already?), i mentioned my curiosity to him. he began to load up facebook on his iphone.

stop.

here we were, sitting at a table with friends, and we were about to tune out of our immediate surroundings in order to enter the world of virtual communication. we were going to eschew human companionship for a touchscreen.

does that not seem very, very wrong? i realised this and stopped him in time. we returned to enjoy the immediate company of our companions. what a close call.

also, my group did our evidence based medicine presentation yesterday. we ended up getting some very good feedback and our first job offers (as doctors).

thank you God, for reminding me to sometimes step out of my usual social circles.

thank you God, for showing me what can come out of love.

finally, i have been addicted to this song all week. it is such a wonderful celebration of God's love. the mushy final fantasy video is definitely an added bonus!

sorry sir, your tea is on the table over there

2010-08-18T20:01:00.005+08:00

so after some very long shifts (read: lots of half-hourly obs, pad changes, making tea and coffee for family members...) and just as many NELUSCS*, I finally got to see for myself the proverbial low-risk multiparous woman's delivery.

it was like this: i was returning from the pantry and trying to figure out how to balance my tray on one knee while shifting enough of my body weight onto the door to open it. (it's tricky when it's 0530hrs and you're half asleep). when i finally succeeded, the midwife looked up from a rather large pool of amniotic fluid and said, 'i think you should put a pair of gloves on'. so i hurriedly put down the tray, grabbed the delivery trolley and some sterile gloves, removed my stethoscope from around my neck and placed it on the table (it promptly fell into the dustbin), and had my hands ready.

earlier last night (~0100hrs) i'd scrubbed in for a CS complicated by uterine rupture. so all in all, it was a very interesting night.

now i feel like my O&G rotation is complete, and i can move on. which is just as well, since there's only 1.5 weeks of it left.

random MSN conversation
陈佩珊 says:
i enjoyed O&G
it was fun
dont love it like i loved surg tho
James says:
you like it, but you dont love it
in a way
you might say
that you've friendzoned it

*non-elective lower uterine segment caesaerean section

thoughts for a time capsule

2010-08-07T09:40:00.005+08:00

For some reason, everybody keeps reminding me that graduation is sooner than I think. Well I still have ages to go, but I guess their point is that I ought to be preparing for internship. Maybe study harder, start thinking like an intern, practice putting in thousands of cannulas..?

When I was in junior and middle school, we used to write letters addressed to our future selves. The teachers would then keep them and return them to us at a later, designated date. It was always interesting reading about the goals that our younger selves had made, and to see whether we'd accomplished them or not. Plus, those letters always came as a surprise because we'd forgotten we'd ever written the letters. If I were to really think about the future, here are some things that I hope I will remember:

- Compassion; that the same patients who are unbelievably rude, demanding, and selfish, may also be feeling frustrated, helpless, confused, and hurt
- When I knew absolutely nothing, strangers took the time to talk to me about life, to teach me about disease, to put a needle holder and forceps in my hands
- God is the big picture. As Joe said to me, "that's why, God must be in the training"
- The encouragement and value of a well meant compliment
- That if I remember a patient's white cell count, I should remember their name
- To cherish those relationships with friends and family; to always make time

Finally, who work in O&G seem to be very wise. Perhaps it's because they see so much of "Birth, copulation, and death" (T.S. Eliot). Here are some of my favourite quotations from lecturers this term:

"Never lose your humility. Once you lose your humility, you become a danger to yourself, and to others around you." -JN

"Always be pragmatic in life. Just think about where you want to be, not where you are." -IH

"I can't teach you compassion, but I expect you to find it for yourselves." -BJ

jogging milestone

2010-08-01T20:33:00.003+08:00

today, my brother and i jogged along the foreshore from my house to matilda bay! we went quite slowly, but i did have only four hours' sleep this morning. last night was the first (and hopefully, the worst) night shift of my life.

i'm not good enough to bring a camera along, but i wish i could somehow share how beautiful the view is. i'd thought myself quite familiar with the view of perth from the foreshore, but it's different again at night. maybe one day i'll try to express it. and do you know, i think these night jogs are the only time i've really paid attention to the cyclical phases of the moon. i mean, i've always known, but i've never needed to see for myself.

real life

2010-07-26T15:53:00.004+08:00

i had the entire day off today, but i went in to hospital anyway. it's because i'm participating in this laparoscopic study, where the authors are trying to assess students' ability to learn surgical skills from a laparoscopic box trainer.

so there i was, doing my daily 'practice', when one of the anaesthetists came up behind me and asked me what i was doing. i explained, and he watched. after a while, he said 'this arm doesn't look very clever, it looks like it's doing *this*'. he then proceeded to demonstrate some spastic motions.

how depressing. if i were the protagonist in one of my fantasy books, (drizzt do'urden or sonea) i'd have displayed exceptional natural digital dexterity. a crowd of surgeons would have gathered behind me. i'd be offered direct entry into the college of surgeons because my laparoscopic skills were simply too dangerous to be unleashed onto the community without proper training.

but i am no protagonist, and this is real life.

i love green tea

2010-07-20T16:23:00.002+08:00

when i was a little girl, dad used to bring back presents from his overseas trips. little things, like hair clips and handkerchiefs.

my siblings recently went for a holiday a in Tokyo. i couldn't join them because i had to be at hospital, but i watched them unload their bags in a way that was reminiscent of my younger self.

they didn't disappoint.

my stash of green tea biscuits

candice couldn't find me the green tea biscuits that i'd requested. instead, she brought back a sample of every green tea biscuit she came across. ocha kitkats included!

a very tired but happy me :)

the waiting game

2010-07-11T20:47:00.007+08:00

summary of delivery shift #1
lots of standing around and pacing out, punctuated by excessively frequent obs to amuse myself. it turns out i didn't really need to practice so much in first year, my job description is all about being your friendly sphygmomanometer.

negative: recent induction of labour + nulliparous = one very long delivery shift.

positive: i ended up scrubbing in for the c-section (which was one of my personal goals for this rotation). and, uh, felt somebody's uterus. not that i've ever really wanted to.

i watched the surgeon as she slumped in a chair, waiting for the patient to arrive. i know she has no children; i've overheard her saying that she had no time for kids. for a moment i thought to myself: it's a saturday night, what are we all doing here? do i want to end up like this one day? i have a family to go home to now, but will it be an empty apartment that awaits me in ten years?
then the patient arrived, the senior reg arrived, the midwife told me to scrub in, i was handed a retractor, and all traitorous thoughts vanished.

i'm not really sure how i feel about O&G at this stage, but one thing is for sure- it is different. the two things which stand out the most are the fascinating conversations, and the suits.

so far i've had a number of interesting discussions with my consultants. one of them asked me in classic british* style, "...so why is it that reproduction is so inefficient in humans?", you can imagine where that conversation led. then there was that extended series of discussions on alternative career pathways.
it's nice that everybody is so friendly and approachable. it makes it easier when i have to present long cases at the weekly team meetings, especially since there were five (i kid you not) consultants present last week.

the second thing is the power dressing. my intern told me that we had to dress up for clinic, and just as i began to conjure images of long-sleeved collared shirts from G2000, she proceeded to elaborate: "wear a suit if you've got one... put on some heels". i couldn't believe she'd just contradicted the med student dress code: smart but still functional (ie very slightly sloppy). which means smart dressing, plus cardigans (not jackets), and ugly rubber-soled shoes. lawyers and accountants dress up, we do not.

as for heels, these are the people who have expressed disapproval when i have worn heels (as in, 1-2 inch) to hospital: ortho reg, theatre nurse, gen med reg. RPH in general (floors are pro-clicking, and everybody turns to see who's running in heels to get to ward round on time). and suits! in the unspoken med student fashion rules, you do not ever wear a suit. the consultant wears a suit, and very rarely the registrar may choose to wear a suit. if you're a cold med student, you wear thermal underwear+long sleeved shirt+the thickest jumper/cardigan you can find!

if my 15 year old feminist self could have foreseen that six years later, i'd be joining ward rounds in a suit and heels, i don't think i would have given mum so much grief about alternative careers.

*disclaimer: there is no real evidence base for me to say this, but i've observed that it's the british consultants who tend to quiz students with a mock inquisitive expression, eg "so why is it that we aren't transfusing this lady? she has a Hb of 70. wouldn't you transfuse her?" (maintains/intensifies eye contact, raises eyebrow).

salty egg pancakes

2010-07-01T20:52:00.003+08:00

"why didn't you steam eggs?" my mother asked, as i woefully showed her my dinner over skype. so that's what i did today. steamed eggs and veg. or, in my rendition, "salty egg pancakes and raw vegetables." take that, masterchef. tt said he felt like vomiting when i described it to him, but i actually do feel like vomiting from eating it.

as much as i enjoy laughing about my own inability to cook, it's very inconvenient. especially considering my favourite topic, "adultescence" (this article sums it up), and my own resolution that i will have moved out of home by the time i'm thirty, whether or not i'm married. given my attempts at cooking this week, i sincerely hope i will be married by then. preferably to a chef.

i think i am beginning to get used to having the entire house to myself. even so, i was very relieved to hear that mum will be catching the plane home tomorrow. hooray! kaixing will be so happy to see her. she and me both.

ps sorry there's no picture. i wish we had another camera, these 'dishes' would make priceless photos. i can tell my future kids how i suffered before i met their dad (the chef).

lessons from singapore, and being home alone

2010-06-30T22:55:00.008+08:00

i mentioned that we had lunch (dimsum) at tung lok one of the days that i was in singapore. during this lunch, mum told us to eat lotus buns for 'good luck'. then i overheard one of my aunties explaining that the food had been offered to my grandparents. as i looked at that bun, i was suddenly reminded of all of my past guilt at having eaten offered food at my grandfather's funeral. caught and confused, i turned to my brother. he reminded me:

Romans 14:14 As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean.

Romans 14:17-18 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, ¹⁸because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. (NIV)

i realised what an idiot i'd been. God has given me freedom in what i eat, but i still chose to shackle myself. i prayed last night, i pictured God taking my hand and leading me away from my chains to freedom. and freedom, what is that? then i saw myself just running, hand in hand with God, and then i realised i was running to God. what a wonderful kind of freedom.

during the wedding, i mingled with a few of the guests. nobody i met was even remotely near my age, or medical. and it was so refreshing! i love my classmates, so i didn't expect to feel this way. i don't like talking about medicine, mainly because i feel very... categorised when people find out, but this time was different.

i spoke to intelligent people who were genuinely... inspired (for lack of a better description) by the path i've chosen. no, this isn't just the course that all my friends are studying. no, this isn't just the path that all asian parents want their children to take. no, this isn't the course you enrolled in because you wanted to make use of your high TER. no, this isn't the career that you chose to have a comfortable life/own a porsche/live in peppermint grove. it's none of those things, but at the same time it's so much more. after my very mediocre year so far, it felt nice being reminded of that.

this is the first time i have ever been home alone for >24 hours.

i have learnt that being a house wife is not easy. you really have to plan ahead for everything: i can't start the washing machine now because i won't be home to take the clothes out, i have to start cooking the rice now because i am going to be hungry at 7pm, etc. actually, i still haven't started the washing machine and clothes are spilling forth out of the laundry basket.

it's amazing what you can learn/do during times of desperation. perth is very cold right now, and last night i learnt how to turn on the fireplace. i must have only done it a couple of times in the last 13 years that we've lived in this house.
today i cooked my first non-instant noodle/udon meal! haha it took me one hour to cook rice, fry some bok choy (the only vegetable i recognised at the grocery store), and fry an egg. erm. if that seems excessively long, it's because i was the egg in the wok for ages before i realised that the gas was on, but the stove wasn't lit.

going back to hosp this morning was... intense. at first i couldn't find my team, (i'd never met them), but then i spotted my classmate and tagged on as they disappeared into the room. i was standing there, still dazed and disoriented, when the whole scene of a very complicated (medically and emotionally) case proceeded to unfold before me.

i've got to go. 7.30 again tomorrow morning.

four days in singapore

2010-06-29T17:32:00.005+08:00

i have a certain aversion to missing classes. i'm always paranoid that i'm going to miss that one mind-blowing concept that's forever going to change the way i understand... renal disease, for example.

so i get a little bit anxious/uncomfortable every time i have to take leave. and i always have to take control of the situation by rationalising the situation and reminding myself that a lot of students don't regimentally follow their clinical rosters.

and it is always worth it. i have never regretted taking the time off, and this time was no exception. i'll try my best to summarise:

friday
6.40am: arrived at Changi airport. caught a cab home, then had a nap.
lunch time: went to town with mum and my brother for lunch
2pm: hair appointment at 2pm.
4pm: back to katong to have my eyebrows shaped. here we bumped into jenny yeemah, who was getting her eyebrows done, too.
4.30pm: manicure and pedicure appointment. bumped into janet yeemah and ah kim. it seems like my whole extended family was having their hair/nails done at the same time!
night: dinner at some local restaurant with the savliwalas, yeemah's family, and weirong gor.

saturday
morning: we went to the temple to pai my grandparents. apparently it was the filial thing to do since my cousin was getting married. when we were standing around outside, i saw my parents talking to this caucasian guy and waving us over. i figured he was one of dad's colleagues, but then mum told me that he's my uncle bob! which meant that nicole's family was around... and before i knew it, there was my extended family again- janet yeemah's family, jenny yeemah's family, and the strausses. so we all went off to lunch together.

lunch: at tung lok with the temple crew, plus the savliwala family.

night: went to funyee's house to hang out with the family. the loreks were there, as well as the strausses. i went over to play with my cousin lucas, and i was like "ha! i found you", and the next thing i know, sophia was tugging at my skirt and saying "now you have to count to ten". well! apparently my hide-and-seek days weren't quite over.

sunday
morning: didn't sleep at all the night before because i had "nobody", by the wondergirls, stuck in my head. jumped out of bed when candice's alarm rang at 5am.

6.30am: arrived at sherlin jie's house. we were the first bridesmaids to arrive, apart from ruiqin, who'd spent the night.

~8.am: groom and groomsmen arrive for the gatecrash! i actually didn't get to see much of the games because i was whisked away to sherlin's room to act as the 'decoy bride'. that is, after charles and his 'brothers' had sung "I will always love you" at the top of their voices, they opened the door to find... me. i told them the bride wasn't here, and as charles turned away from the door, i am sure i heard a "shit! ...i'm going home". haha! of course the other bridesmaids pretended to 'forget' where sherlin jie was, until we were given more angpaos. that's how the game goes.

rest of day: wedding! i was trying so hard to look demure in the wedding procession, but i was so excited about being a bridesmaid that i was unable to wipe the huge, idiotic grin off my face. we got home way past midnight.

monday
morning: frantically googling possible restaurants for dinner.

lunch: at mum's favourite hawker centre on old airport road.

afternoon: went to plaza singapura with josh and nicole to watch the karate kid. then i insisted on getting hokkaido ice cream, because i was still delusional about them having taro-flavoured ice cream. they don't!!! i have been deceiving myself for two years! and they didn't even have any black sesame left, so i had to settle for milk tea ice cream.

dinner: i ended up celebrating my 21st at moomba, which was very fitting because it was an australian restaurant! we didn't book a private room, but because it was a monday night there were very few people and we ended up having the entire restaurant to ourselves later in the evening.

i'd actually planned on taking my presents back to Australia and opening them on my actual birthday, but i could tell from the bags that some of the gifts were very expensive, so i asked for a show of hands from those who wanted me to open their gift. everyone raised their hand! the gifts were pretty amazing, but i can honestly say that what made me happiest that night was that i could celebrate with my family. we're usually scattered all over the world, so it is very special when we can all be together.

the cake was lychee rose-flavoured, and it arrived with some very showy sparklers.

tuesday
flew back to perth today. i think i've averaged four of sleep/night over the past four days, so i am looking forward to a good night's sleep. and then to my 7.30am start tomorrow morning. i really shouldn't have bothered packing any O&G notes into my bag. it was such a wonderful trip, but it does feel great to be home.

random conversation from the trip:
me: "uncle please take me to ________"
taxi uncle: "oh you want ERP or PIE"
me: "err... i don't know, i can't remember. up to you."
-pause-
me: "um, but please don't bring me to JB (malaysia), can?"

orientation week

2010-06-23T16:09:00.004+08:00

holidays are over, and this week has been set aside for lectures and workshops to orientate us to obstetrics and gynaecology. these have included history taking, various examination techniques, and other important issues such as grief and Aboriginal health.

it's nice to be in a taught as a cohort, i am thoroughly enjoying the company and communal lunch periods. it's one of those things i miss about pre-clinical life. and the staff are very nice. once i was concentrating very hard on my timetable, trying to figure out how to swap out of my delivery shift this weekend. one of the ladies just came up to me and commented "you look stressed. don't worry, you're going to love it. everybody loves it."

i am sure i will, too. i can recall being terrified of childbirth since i was a child, and even though i'm not going to be the one giving birth, O&G hasn't exactly been something i've looked forward to. but now that i am here, i may as well make the most of it!

the house is looking very sparse now. both of my siblings have packed up their rooms and left the country already. mum and dad will leave tomorrow morning, and then it will be my turn on friday.

wedding mania

2010-06-17T10:09:00.000+08:00

watching us, you'd think we were part of some sort of reality tv show.

there is a distinct impression that each family is competing (in a friendly way) against the others to see who is best dressed. or rather, nobody wants to be worst dressed. shopping trips (and believe me, these have been numerous) are a family affair, with every spare man giving their advice on whether this shirt looks good with that tie, this necklace with that dress.

some of the dieting techniques have not been so conventional. take the other day, for instance, where my mother was encouraging me to eat some of the papaya from our garden.

mum: "eat papaya. then tomorrow morning go toilet. then diarrhoea. then your stomach flat."

i think it is just that my seamstress must have envisioned me being motivated to lose weight (and perhaps also grow three inches taller) by her ambitious tailoring. i suspect i am going to end up sweeping the dance floor with my dress.

emails are flying back and forth through cyberspace. there are four hundred guests, but still we have managed to keep it pretty much a family affair. the wedding is next sunday, and my academic leave only commences the friday before. it shall make for a very interesting whirlwind of hair appointments, DIY nail sessions, and rehearsals.

winter break '10

2010-06-10T22:14:00.017+08:00

just like that, we're halfway through the semester break. i really don't know where the time has gone- if i tried to allocate the time that i've spent, i would end up with a surplus.

here are some of the things i do remember:
- tetrinet
- meals with friends
- shopping (in a controlled way, i promise!)
- listening to online sermons by pastor mark driscoll of mars hill church, seattle
- way too much masterchef
- lots of walks & housework
- re-reading graceling, by kristin cashore

morning walks by the river with my wonderful prayer partner :)

kaixing is nearly blown away by the chilly wind!

i've never watched a full episode of masterchef before this week, but suddenly i'm hooked. i like adam the best. no, not because he's a lawyer, but because he's a good cook! i like the way he is so enthusiastic about everything, and always so eager to learn. some of the comments by the judges are quite devastating, though. i can see a lot of metaphors for clinical learning!

sometimes i find myself participating in discussions about what i enjoy doing in my spare time. usually i throw out some flippant comment such as, 'what spare time?', but occasionally, i mention books. the most frequent reply is 'oh i used to read, too... i don't anymore'. sometimes i've even found myself the one uttering those words. the thought of losing your enjoyment of reading simply breaks my heart. is it possible to just discard reading, as we would our barbie dolls? if we don't have the time to practice it, could we simply "grow out" of reading?

dymocks didn't have the book i wanted, so i went to my bookshelf and picked up graceling, mainly because it's a stand-alone book.

[spoiler alert!] one of the 'twists' in the book is that the protagonist, katsa, isn't actually a talented killer, as we have been deceitfully led to believe from reading the blurb. she is, in fact, a talented survivor. i think that this revelation could have been explored further in the novel.

you see, all along katsa has been the king's sword. one of the perpetuating factors for this is her belief that she is by nature a ruthless killer/monster. so imagine the paradigm shift that her discovery must have represented! disappointingly, it was quickly summarised in a single comment by her traveling companion: "you have the rest of your life to tip the balance".

katsa's situation reminded me of how we often don't see the big picture. sometimes we can feel like victims of circumstance, but maybe it's just that our perception of the situation is wrong...or simply incomplete. but God, who is in control, sees in entirety. He knows every thread in the tapestry. katsa had a choice, but did not recognise this and therefore forged a path of torture and cruelty. i thought it both fascinating and true that her own perception of bondage became her cage. [end spoiler]

i did a little bit of googling to see when the next book will be out. i found this article from kristin cashore's blog quite amusing! she tries to discuss one of her characters' abilities through physics.

oh and to conclude, my hypothesis was wrong; i haven't really outgrown reading- it is still as enjoyable as ever :)

verse for the day: 1 corinthians 13:12-13¹²We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (The Message)

car woes

2010-06-07T19:02:00.004+08:00

over the past week, my car has been making strange electronic noises that do not obey a consistent pattern. the first time it happened, i had a mini panic attack, and my thoughts very rapidly oscillated between:

1. Oh God, please don't let me die (repeat, double time and repeat)
2. Isn't there a "check the 'check engine' light" light? - Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory (S2E5)
3. Random images of exploding cars from various tv/movie scenes

based on the electronic nature of the sounds, the lack of any specific symbols on my dashboard, and the previous history of a temperamental reverse sensor system, i decided to ignore the sounds. we had sensors installed when we bought the car. they have never actually worked, even after repeated visits back to the dealers. so it seemed like a valid explanation to me.

it just so happened that last night, A and i were going to meet J at the Ellington, and decided to meet first at a nearby street and then proceed together from there. when i sat in her car, i realised that my car's left set of lights were not lit. and thus, the car mystery was finally solved.

it turns out that the left indicator is broken, as are the brake lights. i have no idea why this would happen, given that my car has not sustained any external physical forces. it is with some irony that i recall C's words to me the last time* my car decided to break down on me: "it could have been worse, it could have been your indicators that were broken." well, i was willing to be optimistic then but i now know first hand which was worse. although i would've preferred not to find out this way.

mum is kind of annoyed, she says Candice is definitely going to get a Japanese car when she gets her licence. my brother agrees. but i sort of fondly regard my car as an errant child- just when i'm about to get an opportunity to relax, it throws a tantrum. which does pose a problem for me- do i now have to cancel all of my holiday engagements? hmmm.

*spark plugs; 20-30km/h at passive rights and terrible acceleration along Thomas Rd. i greatly admire the gentleman who patiently drove behind me for the vast majority of that traffic light dotted stretch of road.

anatomy and winter sales

2010-05-30T08:22:00.005+08:00

Hello! I've rotated to my option unit now, which is Anatomy. My task is to dissect a hand and forearm and identify as many structures as I possibly can. Most of the time I am alone with the hand-forearm, which is okay. It is a good opportunity for practical learning, and not really all that tedious except when I am trying to work on the hand.

When I leave the room for lunch, I have to walk through the room where we had our Anatomy labs in first and second year. It is coming up to the University exam time, and I can see the stress/curiosity/blank looks on the students' faces... it is almost like stepping back in time for me; the air is exactly the same.

Then there are times when I step into the corridor between the Anatomy lab and where I work, and I can see through the windows above the doors that lie at the end. That's CTEC. The surgical trainees learn there, they are scrubbed and gowned and practice on simulated patients. And in that instant there is that heart-pull feeling again. Just when I thought I'd become too rational and too pragmatic, and too numbed by routine and the currents of a structured assessments and a University degree. I realised I still have passions.

It is mere coincidence that my next topic of discussion, shopping, should follow my last comment on passions. The thing is, I can only dissect for so many hours before my neck is uncomfortably stiff, which leaves me with free afternoons. And this is how I know that the Winter sales are truly upon us; I went shopping three days in a row :/ This is in fact even more terrible than it sounds because my new year's resolution was to not shop (groceries and toiletries are okay) for a whole year. I lasted until the 27th of February.

I think I would have lasted longer had there been a positive component to my resolution. As in, I should have said something like "I will stop shopping in 2010 so that I can give the money I would otherwise have spent on clothes, to children in [insert poor country]". But the fallacy in that statement is that my mother buys my clothes, so in reality my resolution was more like "I will stop shopping in 2010 because I have way too many material possessions and I have just realised that shopping is really quite a meaningless activity".

The DJs and Myer sales start this week *deep breath in*. Here we go.

being a patient

2010-05-23T11:37:00.002+08:00

okay now I've learnt:
- not just how to put an LMA down somebody's throat but to do it as gently as possible because waking up with a really sore throat is not fun
- that i should perform jaw thrusts as kindly as possible because the bruising and neck stiffness is going to persist for days
- that how you deal with the patient immediately before the operation (ie smiling, being warm, putting them at ease) is so important

and that's pretty much it because i can't remember the sting of propofol, or what dreams i had, or whether i was even told to count to ten. i blame it on the midaz.

in any case, i can't really claim to have experienced what my patients go through, because getting your wisdom teeth out isn't really the same as having your gall bladder out. and given all my morbid thoughts the day before the operation, i was surprisingly cheerful on the day itself. being pushed around on the trolley was fun, and when i woke up there was jelly and ice cream and all this nice stuff to eat. i didn't really like my drip, but the nurse took it out for me pretty soon after i woke up.

of course, my happiness was short lived. when i woke up yesterday morning, the long-acting LA had worn off. it gave me a new appreciation for all of my ice packs. this was partially my fault because my pharmacological analgesia was supposed consist of NSAIDs and Panadeine Forte but because i'd never had any codeine before the anaesthetist decided i should just have prn paracetamol, and i was too lazy to find my paracetamol so i just ended up having NSAIDs. it's the highest dose i've ever had, so i'm hydrating myself like mad (see: association between NSAIDs and acute renal failure).

this morning when i woke up, my sutures had dissolved, and.. suffice it to say that i had to wash my face and mouth very carefully. and then of course i had to go to my neuro kit and fish out a pen torch so that i could examine the clotting progress. it was still quite a fresh clot which then made me wonder whether i should just skip my morning NSAIDs (see: association between NSAIDs and platelet dysfunction), but in the end i decided that i couldn't deal with the pain.

checklist patients

2010-05-19T09:10:00.005+08:00

I'm on my Oncology rotation right now. Part of the assessment requirements for this unit include a logbook of 10-12 patients. The logbook worksheets are comprised of specific questions that have to be answered and as such, directed history taking is very helpful.

Last week, S and I spent time talking with patients with the aim of filling out our logbooks. But some things that the patient told me about their concerns didn't make sense. And I'm not going to write them here because it's confidential, but when I went back and clarified with the patient, I was -ok-not quite blown away, but still stunned by what was then revealed.

It reminded me of the incredible value of asking open questions, and the consistent emphasis on history taking skills.

So whether you're a classmate or a colleague (or just interested), I highly recommend reading the poem "A piece of my mind", by Stephen A. Schmidt.

PS It's also my turn to become a patient on Friday, which should be interesting. Except I'll be going to a private hospital, so I doubt there'll be any healthcare students there.

Hataraki Man

2010-05-13T22:52:00.006+08:00

Once, when I was really bored, my brother suggested that I watch this Japanese series called 'Hataraki Man'. I didn't really get very far with it, but the one part I do recall is when the protagonist, a real life office superwoman, asks her colleague 'do you ever run for the train?'. And it turns out that he doesn't, and she does, and that is why she is Hataraki Man, and he is not.

The point of this very random prologue is that I run! When I'm at McIver I run to the the train if it is waiting. And then when I reach the city, I run up the escalators, across the walkway, and down the other escalators to get to my platform. But during all of this, I've noticed that I'm the only one doing any running. Everybody else very stylishly brisk walks.

This is the second time that I've been allocated RPH against my wishes, but I have had the most fantastic week. I think I shall dub this the Hospital Preferences Phenomenon, ie every time I get the allocation I want, I don't enjoy it as much as I thought I would, and I end up loving all the attachments that I've grudgingly accepted.

The highlights of my week:
- pathology microscopy tutorials: seriously awesome
- haematology ward rounds: I went on my dream ward round today
- having a timetable, therefore feeling loved/cherished/not ignored
- meeting all of my old 'friends' at RPH! In four days I've met my 4th year Med Reg, the ex- CCU RMO and intern, my favourite consultant, various sixth years, and church friends... really, I don't know how I ever thought of RPH as bleak.
- more good company; meeting with James for lunch and clerking patients with Simon
- having friday off

Release date: 2011

2010-05-12T08:56:00.003+08:00

So it seems The Sending, the final installment in Isobelle Carmody's Obernewtyn Chronicles isn't coming out this year after all.

I'm not very disappointed, because I know and respect Isobelle's desire for perfection. It's gourmet in a world of book fast food. Plus, I waited eight years for the Stone Key (2008) to come out anyway, so another year doesn't seem so bad :P

You can read the interview here.

I love this part where Isobelle says: "...what I like doing is taking a character and making it seem comical or cowardly or silly, and then producing a paradigm shift so that we can see that all of these things can hide incredible courage, depth, and blinding beauty of spirit." So, so true.

The book was supposed to come out during my Obs&Gyn term, so now I am going to have to change plans and read this book instead. Hello, Dymocks!

taking the highway

2010-05-06T17:03:00.007+08:00

so after nearly six weeks, i've realised that my initial impression was right- i do live very far away from fremantle. very far, as in thirty minutes' drive away, which is then compounded in my very stoned/tired brain at the end of a long day at the hospital. (or at the end of three hours of clinic, which is sufficient to achieve the same effect).

it is at those times that i have of getting back somewhat this tendency to drive slightly over the speed limit (60km/h) in the hope that i may sooner receive the therapeutic benefits of arriving home and plonking my bag (+ all of its contents) on the floor. i imagine swinging a water hammer would achieve the same effect.

a couple of weeks ago i attended this post-easter camp youth service. we were challenged to be discipled- in all aspects of our lives. to cut a long story short, when i decided to respect the speed limit, i began to notice something. quite often the cars that were overtaking me, would end up immediately in front of me at a red light. or they would cut out of my lane and then end up waiting behind somebody who was turning.

the other day, i got quite attached to this particular p-plater (red P's) who repeatedly overtook me because he kept getting stuck behind turning cars. we ended up traveling quite far down stirling highway together! for the twilight fans, he was also driving a volvo ;)

it got me thinking about the whole journey versus destination thing. we traveled the same length of stirling highway together, in the same amount of time, but in totally different ways. and in spite of my admiration that he can drive well enough to cut in/swerve out/speed up/brake suddenly, what did any of that achieve for him?

in any case, it confirmed my suspicions that no matter what, it is impossible for me to make it home in 20 minutes. not even if i could drive like a teenage guy. but that's okay, because tomorrow is my last day at fremantle. YAY! :D

running after you

2010-05-02T09:54:00.006+08:00

i am definitely a morning person. the first thing that comes to mind every morning is either:
1. good morning, God!
2. what a good sleep/:)/i am content
3. my life is perfect

this is not to say that i really do think i have the perfect life, but somehow the morning air/light/smell is optimism and i recall the things that i am grateful for: good health, a loving family (dog included), God's love, education, church and friends, financial security (technically, my parents' finances but i am secure in the knowledge that they will not withhold anything from me :P), car, food, etc.

but sometimes i feel like i am too blessed and it becomes a burden. like, i have so much, and how am i meant to use my life/talents/possessions wisely?

the other day i was having this mini crisis because i suddenly thought about the children who don't have access to education and would never dream of going to university because they don't have the opportunities that i do, and thought: i should be studying harder. i should be making the most of what i have been given, i should be using my opportunities to make a difference.

this was then followed by some heart sinking feeling because of course, what difference am i really making to anybody? and in all my years of living so far, has my life really made an impact on anybody? i am just another overprivileged, but not remotely famous paris hilton. (except not remotely that rich either).

many of us live constantly trying to live up to others' expectations of us- or maybe even our own. but if a parent takes their child to piano lessons, and the child has little interest in the piano, is the child really at fault? is s/he really being ungrateful for the opportunity? (there are many children, perhaps, who cannot afford piano lessons). i suppose it really depends on the child's attitude.

whose expectations are we trying to live up to? and what are God's expectations for us? would someone viewing my life from the outside see a person who is trying wholeheartedly to meet those expectations?

since that day, God has been teaching me new things. i used to love this one verse: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me- Phil 4:13

wow. cool verse, right? if anything was the matter, it was straight to: don't worry! i-can-do-all-things-through-Christ-who-strengthens-me . if ever i am sliding down into a trough, i had this verse up my sleeve to boost me back up onto a peak.

but i hadn't actually looked at the context in which it was written, and it was this- Paul is talking about what he learned in prison, how (verse 11) I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. (verse 12) I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

that verse, i think, is really Paul describing his ability to praise God even in the troughs. thus i discovered a new love for that verse, because how much more amazing is it that we can praise God even in the storms of life! and i have decided, no matter what storms are going on in my life right now, i want to be somebody who keeps running after God, singing praises all the way.

shifting dullness

2010-04-28T18:16:00.003+08:00

yesterday, a friend and i were lingering in the corridor discussing whether or not we should just go home (it was ~2:15pm) or try to see another patient, when a reg came up to us and said, "excuse me, are you students?". a quick glance around revealed to me that i was standing close to the fire doors. i casually moved over, then glanced back to see if i was still in trouble. he was still looking at us.

"uh, yes..?"

"if you have time, i need some assistance a procedure. can you help me?" er, yes! hello! so we rushed off. i'm not really sure what he meant by assistance, because all he really needed me to do was open for him when he was gowned up, but he talked us through the procedure (an ascitic tap), and let us examine the patient for shifting dullness.

it was pretty cool, but what i really wanted to learn was how to secure a drain (with sutures), and to my great disappointment, medical registrars secure them with a combination of gauze and tegaderm. i'm not kidding. it was just like, stick stick stick stick stick "okay it's not stitched in so try not to move!"

it's a little bit strange that for the past month of my respiratory term there has been no pleural tap in sight, but a passing reg led to an ascitic tap. i still think a chest drain would be cooler, though. apparently there was one this morning- my reg later said "oh, i should have called you".

thanks. you should have!!!

owl city

2010-04-21T18:50:00.009+08:00

I've noticed that quite a few of my Christian male friends like Taylor Swift, seemingly irregardless of their individual musical preferences. I nominate Adam Young, of Owl City fame, as a contestant for her male equivalent:

Owls, Fireflies, and Jesus

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

- Vanilla Twilight, Owl City