Reassessment

Sometimes the regularity with which we (read: I) need to re-focus on life can be very frustrating. It's just so easy to become disillusioned!

Thankfully, this time I had some help with reality checking. Read this fantastic post from guest post on Kevin MD here.

And on a brighter note, list of things I am currently very excited about:
1. Celebrating a belated anniversary dinner with my boyfriend
2. Watching a new studio Ghibli film in an outdoor cinema this weekend
3. My first Christmas in Australia - seriously. We don't even have a Christmas tree
4. Annual leave in two and a half weeks' time (Japan!! Onsen! and Ramen!)
5. Wearing my new Burberry coat (in Japan. Not in the onsen, though)

one lazy week off

So I have somehow managed to land myself 3.5 terms of back-to-back shift work. That's something like 37 weeks' worth of random what-day-is-it-again craziness. But working three evening shifts immediately followed by four overnight shifts occasionally has its benefits, so I have had the past seven days off.

After much deliberation and anticipation, I finally decided not to travel. For the following reasons:
1. I am "on call" for the last two of the seven days... which means I'm not really allowed to be outside the state for those days
2. No travel buddies (sad but true- either everybody has their own plans, or doesn't have leave.)
3. Expensive (again, not entirely true... but I am trying to save up for my new year's trip to Japan)
4. It's tiring!

Only a few years ago, I used to spend months on end in Singapore wondering how on earth I was going to pass the time over the Christmas break. Now that days off are so precious, I've been trying to fill them with all this stuff that I can finally afford- musicals, dinners, travel, etc. It's fun, but also quite tiring (think of travelling- booking, packing, flying, unpacking, planning).

This time, however, I just took the time to relax! Leisurely sleeping in, browsing the internet, planning my trip to Japan, shopping, catching up with friends, and putting some slides together for an Emergency Department presentation that I have to give. It's been so good. Even planning the Japan trip with my mother and aunt, which gave me serious flashbacks of my summers in Singapore. Now that she lives down the road from us, we can walk over to discuss plans/have dinner together any time we want, just like when we were in Singapore...

...a reminder that everything has its pros and cons ;)

Western Australian Festivals

Last week, I missed out on the Beaufort Street Festival because of work. I'm currently working in the Emergency Department, and I have managed to fall into this sort of bimodal sleep pattern whenever I'm working night shifts. I go to bed at ~0930ish, sleep for three or four hours, wake up for lunch, then run errands and tire myself out so that I can get another three hours from ~1630hrs before I have to get ready for the next shift.

Earlier this year, I couldn't go to the Mundaring Truffle Festival because of my temporary relocation to Geraldton.

And now, it turns out that there was another festival that I hadn't even heard of, the Gourmet Escape, held in Margaret River.

Is it just me or have there been a lot of new festivals lately? Perhaps I am just noticing these events now that I no longer feel the urge to study every waking moment of the day, and actually have money to spend.

Anyway, I thought perhaps I could look up a list of festivals and their dates, but I wasn't able to locate a completely comprehensive list. Does anyone know of a website? Maybe my googling isn't good enough.

Here is a list of festivals I would like to try and attend next year:

Beaufort Street Festival (November)
Cottesloe Hullabaloo Festival  (November)
Good Food and Wine Show (July)
Truffle Festival (July)
Perth International Arts Festival (February)
William Street Festival (March)
Music festivals - TimeOut guide here (Summer). I've got tickets to Big Day Out, but I'm quite tempted by the idea of a camping festival at Southbound.

Are there any good festivals that I've missed out...?

8/12/12 UPDATE- so despite my recent attempts not to miss out on any future festivals, it turns out that last Saturday was the Leederville Carnival. My sole consolation is that I was working, so I couldn't have gone anyway...

Some reflections on the past term:

I still don't know what I want to do in life.

After three surgical terms and six years of wanting to be a surgeon, I am tempted by physician training (and lots more study). I would often hear other people asking each other what discipline they wanted to specialise in, but here I am unable to even decide between medicine and surgery.

It is important to be passionate about your job.

One of my students said to me "Dr X was very funny... but I don't think I learnt that much from him". Looking back to when I was at his stage in training, I can distinctly recall my then clinical examination tutor, who has since become something of an academic hero for me. It's true that I respected him immensely for his wealth of knowledge and conceptual thinking, but I am not sure that I would rather work for him. As much as I love learning, even more important in the work force is a good role model. Dr X, who teaches as much philosophy as he does medicine, is clearly passionate about his job. And so despite the long, arduous hours, and the workplace bullying, I was very lucky to work for a boss who could always make me laugh, and who was always there to support and encourage me.

It is important to socialise with your colleagues.

Think back to your school days- wouldn't school have been a lot more dull without all of the social events? I can speak from experience, because I was one of the most antisocial students at school. I can probably count the number of times I hung out with friends outside of school hours. The same goes for working life- I hardly ever make it down to our social club for friday night drinks. But the one or two times that we have had end-of-term social events, I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. And it is so much nicer working with friends, than with colleagues.

Life is fraught with ethical decisions.

So many times, people have told me stories about ethically tricky situations. For example, what do we do if somebody has cheated the system and is an illegal immigrant so that they may seek medical attention for life threatening diseases? Pretend not to notice and treat them at the cost to society? Report them and boot them out of the country? How do we respond to such situations?

I have written enough ethics essays to remember the four ethical principles. The ethical principle of justice would suggest reporting to the authorities. However, I have also pledged the hippocratic oath, promising to treat all who are in need. As far as I know, the hippocratic oath has no national boundaries. Finally, I remember the teachings of the New Testament. There was once a good samaritan who found an injured man by the roadside. He took him to an inn, paying from his own pocket for the injured man's care and safe recovery.

What would you have done?

waiting to hear God's voice

when i was young, i had all the time in the world, and nothing to fill it with. i daydreamed constantly, doodled, read every book i could get my hands on, and i reflected. i still remember my very first proper diary. it was a pink, tweety bird diary with a lock and key. i filled it with all sorts of mundane and petty thoughts, kept records of who had wronged me, and in the front cover i wrote carefully, in large letters, "this diary belongs to Olivia".

it's funny, i had all the time in the world to write, but nothing to write about. that didn't really stop me from trying. it was a means of occupying my time while i waited to grow up.

now that i am in my 20s, i have all sorts of distractions to fill my time, with none leftover for writing.  reflecting is much less pleasant; every time i stop to look at myself, i have become more impatient, more ill-tempered, more unforgiving, and wholly more unpleasant to be around. these days, i avoid reflecting if i can help it. my habits have changed, but the busyness only serves to hide that i am still waiting.

still waiting to see where life will take me, what i will achieve (that's the word), and perhaps most importantly, who i will become.

sometimes i wonder, if i have been on a life-changing mission trip, is it God's will for me to commit my life to the mission field? or is God a God who would take a girl 7400 km away from home to remind her that when victory is assured, it is the journey that must count?

because you see, part of the journey is in the waiting. and the waiting part is where our faith finds room to grow.

birds of a feather

When we first moved to Australia, we were told by the real estate agent that the elderly lady who lived here before us used to feed the Kookaburras every morning.

I was very disappointed when I did not find this to be true. At least, they did not come to visit me every morning.

In quite a short space of time, we have had a lot of birds come into our lives.

First, there was Maggie about a year ago.

Then, Sherbie came into our lives and filled it with colour for a wonderful six months.

And now, Kookaburra #1 and #2 have started visiting us daily. They sometimes take meat from our hands.

Kookaburra #1 and #2 in our garden :)

mum's induction into the rescue rangers' club

Today my mother did something incredible.

We were driving back home from dinner with my extended family. I was in the driver's seat, my mother was beside me, Auntie BL was in the back with SL jie and baby C. I was driving slowly (as I am usually instructed to do by my mother), particularly because it's double demerits all weekend given the public holiday.

We were just passing the University when we saw a little white puppy haphazardly crossing the road. It was following its big brother, a husky, who was clearly paying it no heed. Of course, I knew mum would want to rescue the apparently lost dog(s), so we did a U-turn and parked as close as we could.

Mum leapt out of the car and brought the fluffy white dog back, but then auntie BL pointed out that we were clearly being unfair to the husky just because it wasn't as little and cute. The conversation then went something like this:

Mum: Eh BL, I can't save both of them
Aunty BL: Eh like that it's not fair to the big dog what, you rescue the small one only
Mum: I have no space to carry, can you carry the big dog in your lap?
Aunty BL: What! How about I carry the small one, you carry the big one?

Mum then passed the puppy behind to auntie BL (despite loud protests "What if it wees one me?"/"I'd rather carry baby C") and went out in search of the husky.

Anyway, we eventually managed to contact the owner, who arrived all panicky. They instantly bonded (I imagine this is how mothers react in war situations), and mum -I kid you not- said "you guys go home first! We'll go look for the dog". Then Bang! she slammed the door shut and jumped into the other woman's car.

Not a chance! I immediately whipped my phone out and dialed mum's number, but when I looked into my lap I realised that mum had left her bag/phone/wallet/everything in the car with me. We ended up tailing the other car the whole way. If mum managed to live out her rescue rangers fantasy, I got inspector Gadget. Totally took down the make of the car, number plate, everything.

The woman did end up dropping mum home, but not without speeding the entire way. I bet mum didn't say "Drive slowly! Double demerits!!" to her.

et in arcadia ego

K and I hung out at the State Theatre Centre of Western Australia last night. We watched Arcadia, a play by Tom Stoppard that we'd studied in high school.

I loved it for a number of reasons:
- It is always nice to catch up with old friends and maintain friendships
- I love plays (and musicals, and concerts, and pretty much most live performances)
- The theatre is pretty new and I'd never been inside before
- The play was beautifully done, witty, hilarious
- It is nice to have something to break up a week of monotony

As much as I love my new rotation, I am waking up even earlier than previously because the patient turnover is so quick and the load so high that I have to remind myself
daily what each person's presenting complaint was. Which means that when I'm not at work, and not doing cool/interesting activities, I'm pretty much just stoning in front of my computer screen, or a textbook, or a novel.

Sometimes I feel more like a zombie than a human being. I'm really looking forward to having a bit of a break over the Easter holiday.

am i speaking your language?

most people who have had the *cough* pleasure of participating in extensive "dnm" conversations with me will probably know all about the five love languages by now.

basically, there are five different love languages. individuals prefer different ways of giving or receiving love- and even these aren't necessarily the same language. you could prefer showing love by gift giving, for example, but really feel reassured of someone's love when they give you a quick hug.

i did the quiz back in my first year of university, having in fact very little idea what many of these love languages were (i had a phobia of physical touch, for example, and had a 1m radius of "personal space"). of course, i turned out to be quite incorrect in my assumptions of my love languages.

recently, i've noticed that this "language" concept also applies to our modes of communication.

when i was in school, my favourite methods of communication were (in no order): telephone, handwritten letters, email, blogging, and instant messaging.

at uni, these became: facebook (inbox/mail and wall posts), blogging, instant messaging, and occasionally chats over meals or coffee.

now that i'm working, my preferred methods of communication are: SMS-ing, chats over meals or coffee, phone calls, and facebook (inbox/mail and wall posts).

most of it has really been determined by cost and convenience. i seldom sent SMS's in university because my mother paid for my mobile phone plan and i often exceeded my monthly credit. hence the cost-free alternatives of instant messaging, facebook, and email. i still enjoy emailing, but i have less time to sit at my computer now, as is the case for many of my working colleagues, so i tend to SMS for a faster response.

the impact on my social life is quite noticeable. i don't mean that it's better one way or another, but the frequency with which i catch up with certain individuals is different.

of course, in my fantasy world, we are all still writing letters to each other- and they may or may not be carried in saddlebags by messengers on dappled mounts.

Vienna boys' choir

The Vienna boys' choir are coming to Australia this year!!

Now that I am no longer a teenager I feel slightly embarrassed and cougar-ish about my obsession with them.

In my defense, I have never heard anything so angelic.

Why doesn't BOCS ticketing have an App?

{stalking the boys on multiple occasions in Vienna}

hope for the weary

Today, I went to work hoping that it would be a better day.

I'm quite serious about this- I actually went in early because there was a teaching round, which means two things that would make me happy:
1. free food
2. education

If anything, I left feeling even more dejected- both of the cases discussed had ended in tragedy for the people involved.

Shortly after, I ran into a friend. Well, she was really more of an acquaintance than a friend. But for some reason, when she asked me how I was, instead of blurting out the usual "I'm doing well", I kind of had a "verbal diarrhoea" moment and spilled my guts on how despondent and directionless I was.

She gently directed me to a table, bid me take a seat, and listened. And then after that, she gave me loving counsel and encouragement. When I returned to my ward, yet another acquaintance spoke kind words into my life. I think that was quite well timed, because I had a headache during my entire shift, and had to do some overtime to tie up all the loose ends.

When I finally returned home, I was surprised to see that there were several compassionate messages awaiting me in quick succession.

Why? These messages were from busy people, who have nothing to gain whatsoever from me, and whom I do not even consider amongst my closest circle of friends. What makes people look outside of themselves and reach out to others? What makes a beggar give out of his poverty?

Again, I am reminded- God encourages. God gives.

Luke 21 v3-4: “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” (NIV)

in confusion and turmoil

there are times when i really enjoy my job, and others when all i can think about is quitting/retiring/switching to housewifery. at the moment, the bad exceeds the good- hence all this negative talk.

i realise i haven't really explained what kind of hours i work- i have two weeks of day shifts, then a week of evening shifts. part of the reason i'm feeling a bit down is because i've been rostered back onto evening shifts. for someone who is used to sleeping at 1030 and waking up at 630, starting work in the afternoon comes as a bit of a shock to the system.

the other part that i dislike is the waiting and praying part. the part that knows i can trust a faithful God but wants to indulge in impatience anyway. i suspect it is because of my inherent impatience that i am forced to wait so often. so many evils are born from impatience, if it is great enough. there is already a huge part of me that, instead of encouraging others, is quick to flare with irritation.

it is this wolf that i mustn't feed.

a rather bleh day

some thoughts on how bleh my day/week has been:
1. chronic sleep deprivation leading to me being very absent in the presence of company
2. having multiple failed attempts at cannulating of my nicest patients on her birthday
3. finding out that i *still* haven't been paid for working on australia day
4. working overtime on a thursday, then coming home to find out that my siblings are too busy studying to play games with me, and my mother doesn't want to go shopping
4.1. spending my time studying from my old notes instead
5. realising that i have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life

argh.

Valentine's day

I had to do a little bit of cleaning over the weekend, and with Valentine's day coming up next week, I thought I'd share a treasure that I stumbled across:

{my year eight friend/boyfriend material checklist}

It turns out I do have a "type", after all- I'd simply forgotten!

Disillusioned

I get scolded so much that it no longer paralyses me.

There are some kind people, but not nearly enough.

I am always tired, and often short-tempered.

Men have really disappointed me.

I have everything I want, so why do I feel this way?

week 1

somehow it feels as though i have hurtled head first into an angry ocean. i think i have done enough healthy whinging in person for me to be bored of this topic, so suffice it to say that i started work on a busy rotation, amongst more experienced colleagues, and it is taking me a little longer than i would like to get up to speed.

i think i have been focusing too much on the negative things, so instead i bring you a positive review of my week.

monday: reg makes eye contact with me, and actually speaks to me during the round. (unfortunately i am unable to answer any of his questions. okok, back to being positive).

tuesday: i crash ernest's small group and join in their game of space alert

wednesday: i begin to feel like i am getting the hang of things... the day is less busy day in general, and at night i go to buen 151 for dinner and have awesome sushi. i cannot stop myself from yawning throughout the meal.

thursday: i suture for the first time in months, receive some fantastic news, get my first paycheck for the year, and treat my family to dinner at jojo's.

friday: i wake up refreshed with close to eight hours' sleep. (this is necessary for me to survive, because later at work i get totally trampled by my workload). i find myself extremely thankful that it's friday, and that i'm not working over the weekend. my colleagues and i celebrate the end of our first week by having a late lunch at the byrneleigh.

saturday: i go shopping! and enjoy a movie with james.

sunday: that's tomorrow, but i am looking forward to hearing joe share the Word :)

every new beginning

i can't count the number of times i've said it feels so surreal. the last time i remember feeling this way was during my early university days.

it only took two pagers and a mobile phone to remind me that this is all very real. with some supplemental evidence in the form of having to sign notes, charts, and forms under my own name. suddenly there seemed to be too much freedom to decide which drug, what dose, and what formulation, at what rate.

scary, daunting, fun, exhilarating.

i'm looking forward to it :)

(but i'm also going to do a bit of revision this weekend to try and reduce how... scary/daunting everything is)

it's going to be a crazy year. and through it all, it is my earnest desire to love and trust Him in everything i do.