Monday, June 30, 2014

cure for the monday rush

my parents are overseas at the moment, so i had a pretty rushed morning. even though i woke up early, i still felt helpless in the face of all our dependent animals - both domestic and wild. my dog, who normally just wags her tail and sleeps in the morning, decided to scratch at my door some time before 6am, and continued to make heart breaking whining noises even though i'd hugged her, fed her, and let her out into the garden.

but that was all forgotten when i finally pulled out of my driveway, and was greeted by this beautiful view:

double rainbow!

and yes, i did indicate and pull over before taking the photo!

Saturday, June 28, 2014

turning a quarter of a century years old

25 is a scary number. Soon I will be closer to being 30 than 20 - in your early 20's it's okay to stuff up, make mistakes, explore and find yourself.

By your 30's it sort of feels as though society is expecting you to make smart decisions, work hard at a job that you love, be responsible, and not make mistakes.

The problem is I still feel as though I'm 19. I'm still unsure about where I'm headed in life, I am way too dependent on my parents, and I care too much about what others think of me.

Among my particular social groups, a lot of my friends have been making big, mature adult decisions. Things like getting engaged, buying houses, and maybe even starting their own families. I have thought about these things- I have been house viewing so many times that I am pretty sure every real estate agent in the area can recognise my face. I have prayed for wisdom.

Sometimes it feels like I'm late in reaching my societal milestones. But maybe that's okay. What does society know, anyway?

25 seems like a nice round number to use as a check point to see if my life is headed where I want it to. To see if my life is telling the story that I want it to tell. Because life isn't about the big decisions that you make- it's about your daily choices.

Looking back, I've made more than my share of mistakes. There are so many times I could have been less selfish, more generous, more understanding. But that's okay too. If there's one big thing I have learnt this past year, it's that we shouldn't fear failure. Daring to fail means daring to live.

The other thing I often reflect on is how I want to die. Of course we don't get control over when or how we die, but our actions today will affect our thoughts as we lay dying. I would like to die feeling content, at peace with the world, and joyful at my impending reunion with my Lord. I hope I will not have too many regrets - looking back now, already most of the regrets I have accumulated are from taking the safe route. From not daring to try. Sounds silly, doesn't it- sometimes we are so afraid of failure that we don't give ourselves the opportunity to succeed.

So I guess here's to the next five* years of daring to fail, daring to succeed, and daring to live.

*I assume I will probably have some sort of reflection again around the time of my 30th birthday. Although that may feature on a different blog. Or just in my diary.

The world is littered with unfinished visions, and is not life such a vision? And is not the finishing of any thing a little death?

--Darksong