Monday, August 29, 2011

regression

my earliest memory of truancy would be when i was in kindergarten. my parents were pretty lenient with us and if i was sound asleep, they wouldn't wake me to go to school. so one time, i feigned sleep for the entire week. on monday of the following week, my mother decided to call my bluff and insisted i go to school.

this morning, i lay in bed imagining myself 24 hours ahead of time. i imagined arriving in the evening, being cold, and having nothing to eat and no form of entertainment. suddenly, being in a beautiful, isolated town, and studying free from the distractions of the city seemed a lot less appealing than i had formerly imagined. i started recalling how lonely/bored i was in the evenings in the UK, which is much more densely populated than where i'm heading.

at this point, mum burst into the room. *flashback to seventeen years ago*
mum: "Olivia! still haven't wake up ah?"
i opened my eyes.
mum: "Oh I see, you're pretending to sleep only."
me: "I'm enjoying my blanket. And my queen sized bed. I'm going to miss my bed."
mum started laughing. "See la! You always so gung ho. Then last minute chicken out."

so, so true. although to be fair, i never really backed out re: Austria, which was probably my most challenging trip, and undertaken when i was relatively young. i did end up having season two of the OC to save me. and E3.50 tickets to see performances at the vienna opera house. that is really quite unbeatable. i don't think there will be anything like that where i'm heading.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

3 embarrassing moments

1. reverse-curbing when trying to reverse out of my driveway this morning. i flinched, but recovered in time to see the man waiting at the bus stop laughing at me.

2. shouting "louboutins!" when my professor was trying to retell an anecdote, and paused to ask what brand had shoes with the red soles.

3. spotting one of my previous consultants as we were walking through a park, and cheerfully calling out "hello, Dr P!" when i saw him trying to avert his gaze.

i bet it sounded like all three moments were going to apply to me. in actual fact, point number three negates one of my earlier embarrassing moments, meaning that i only have a net embarrassment of one moment today.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

BL online

last week, i was pretty amused to find my mother surfing bettina liano's online store while we were waiting for candice so we could leave the house.

i can probably count the number of times i have ordered things online (excluding tickets) on one hand. however, candice has been going ebay crazy, and little parcels are arriving every second day from hongkong. i can only assume that that was the trigger for mum and i to decide to place an order from the BL website. (FYI the claremont store closed down, so we can only order in from the Eastern states now). fingers crossed everything will fit properly! and fingers crossed it will arrive within the week so that i can experience some parcel joy before heading off for my rural placement.

in other news, i finished* my rotation on friday! i decided to celebrate by allowing myself to read the rogue, which has been sitting on my bookshelf for the past month or so. now that i think about it, it seems very uncharacteristic of me not to have gone shopping. i'm probably just realising my financial situation and impending poverty.

happy sunday, everybody! xx

*unfortunately, i still have assessments and reports to write up. so the party has to end soon. blehh.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

pause.

sometimes i get a bit carried away, making new demands once each safety point is checked.

as if taking time to reflect means everything would cease to function.

living in single-minded rapid fire for perhaps at the end of the day, some kind of meagre, miserly satisfaction.

..

today i just felt an overwhelming need to pause, to take a brief moment to say thank you.

Friday, August 12, 2011

from my hiding place

so. no word about this rotation at all, because it has been giving me unreasonable amounts of anxiety. don't ask me what's so awful about it- i wouldn't be able to tell you. although i do recognise this as entirely irrational, i can't quite escape its grip. so i am just going to clench my teeth and endure the ride.

on the plus side, i'm more than halfway through, and there is only a fortnight left. i already feel much happier from that thought.

also, we've found out where we are going for our next placements. apparently i am going to the only region i listed under "DO NOT SEND ME HERE". but i'm surprisingly happy about it. probably because it means this rotation will be over. gah.

yours sincerely,

holding on xx

The world is littered with unfinished visions, and is not life such a vision? And is not the finishing of any thing a little death?

--Darksong