reading is my escape

i still remember the excitement of doing the occasional night shifts. right now, i am rostered with one of the emergency teams and there is nothing at all exciting (or natural) about arriving for the start of your shift at 10pm. i am not sure which is the culprit- the compulsory attendance , having further commitments in the morning, or their regularity.

on the other hand, i have just finished a most excellent book- Volume 1 of The astonishing life of Octavian Nothing, by M.T. Anderson.

intelligent, thought provoking, and quite beautifully written.

{an excerpt from when Octavian is being punished}

I waited, my arms outstretched at either side, until he turned again, and began to stack them, volume after volume, on my hands.
"When I was a boy," said he, "this was my punishment. Standing with Milton weighing upon one hand and Shakespeare the other. But you... you shall be encumbered with your own past, hm?"
My hands bobbed beneath the weight.
"Drop one," he said, "and you shall be caned." He stepped into the experimental chamber and shouter for Bono.
Turning back to me, he said, "Here, my boy, was the miraculous aspect of this little torture, as I found. When twenty minutes had passed, and I was permitted to set down the volumes, or they were taken from my hands- when I was relieved of the weight of the books- I marked that as I dropped my empty arms, they rose again of their own accord..... They drifted upwards. They felt as light as air. I could not keep them down. 'Twas an ecstatic sensation.... My arms yearned for the stance of punishment; and when they lifted thus, I could have been flying. This, you must understand, Octavian, is the true and sublime end of discipline: that you may rise into a new and glorious buoyancy."

-- MT Anderson, The astonishing life of Octavian Nothing: Volume 1 The pox party (p.50)

why worry

"worrying is putting faith in the world, not in God."- anonymous (actually, I've just forgotten)

recently, i have been quite occupied with worrying. about:
- my studies, specifically EXAMs
- a presentation i was meant to give at grand rounds
- all the other stuff i have to do: visa, vaccinations, birthdays, assessments
- worrying

the last one may seem strange, but my bible study group is starting a video series by Andy Stanley, called "why worry". and i know that i have been worrying, and that it shows that i am lacking in faith, and that i should really stop worrying. which is why i'm worrying about the fact that i've been so busy worrying. (so much that i considered not showing up for bible study.)

i will take point number #2 as an example. three weeks ago, i was worrying about an evidence based medicine (EBM) group presentation, which is our obs&gynae assessments. simon and i were sick with sore throats, and i remember asking my cell group to pray for our health.

it turned out that we did so well for our presentation that we were called back to present at the hospital's grand rounds. this led to another 3 weeks of stressing, because this time we'd have to present in front of a lot more people, the vast majority of whom were infinitely more knowledgeable than us.

but really, i needn't have spent the past three weeks rehearsing my part while half asleep in bed, because i received an email this morning saying that there were no available time slots, and that we no longer have to present. i can't believe i spent the past 3 weeks worrying, and we don't have to present after all!!!

this morning when i opened my closet, i was greeted with various shades of grey/black. ugh- what a sight for a lovely spring day! it made me think of Matthew 6:28-29:
"And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.
And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." (KJV)

paeds day 1

i started my emergency paeds rotation yesterday. it was a 3pm-midnight shift, and i've been a bit anxious about this because i'm quite awkward around kids. unfortunately, kids know when people are uncomfortable- you just can't fool them.

ED was so busy! i had no idea who all my team members were, and also very little idea of how to do specific Paediatric history+examination. in fact, my paediatric textbook hadn't arrived in the mail yet, so i was using this book i borrowed from the library called "Paediatric Secrets". i think the idea is that there is a pool of questions that students are frequently asked. i'd gone to my shift armed only with 282 "secrets".

the other student also had no idea what we were supposed to do. she said that her plan was to stand around until somebody noticed and assigned us a task. i was more cynical, and my brilliant idea was to tag along with a registrar and just observe for awhile.

that's what i did, until the consultant spotted me and said that he needed all of the doctors to be working very hard, because ED was so busy. and so would i be comfortable seeing patients on my own?

of course i said yes.

for the next couple of hours, he would assign me a patient, i'd clerk and examine them, and then i'd present to him. by 1930hrs, i'd seen 7 patients, and i asked for a dinner break. i didn't really want to eat alone, so i drove home... and the rest is history. i felt acutely grateful for the comforts of home- a chair, food, time, the option of panadol for my budding headache. in fact, i was so comfortable that i couldn't bring myself to go back to hospital.

paeds day 1- epic fail.

13/9/10 update: in fact my registrar did note my absence. our conversation the following day-
M: you told me you were supposed to stay until 12 yesterday, but you left after dinner?
O: oh yeah! yeah M you know i really wanted to... but i was just too tired!
RMO (passing by): *conspicuous laughter*

city to surf 2010

On Sunday, I joined thousands of other West Australians for the annual City to Surf run. Why? I'd like to say I did it because it was for charity, but in reality I just wanted to know if I could.

I began my 9-week pursuit of self-discovery with a 5k run. By the weekend of C2S, I had only managed to increase that to 7.5km. I just had to hope that I had that extra 4.5k in me somewhere!