weeks 8+ of elective

i've been working in accident & emergency and critical care. when i tell people, they ask why i chose this elective. why not in a bigger city? why not in south africa, where trauma is rampant? why not america, where people turn guns on each other?

well, in my five-and-a-half weeks here, i have seen plenty of trauma. plenty of resuscitation and surgery. of lives ruined and lives lost. true, the causes are different, but it is trauma nonetheless.

usually i can just switch the emotion off, i can scrub in and assist without any qualms, read blood gases with academic interest instead of horror. but today suddenly it's all too much.

why the waste? what remnants of life will these people return to? for them, especially those who are younger, what is living about now? when you are unable to walk, can barely feed yourself, or have lost those closest to you?

they don't cry for themselves. i wonder if they can.