in confusion and turmoil

there are times when i really enjoy my job, and others when all i can think about is quitting/retiring/switching to housewifery. at the moment, the bad exceeds the good- hence all this negative talk.

i realise i haven't really explained what kind of hours i work- i have two weeks of day shifts, then a week of evening shifts. part of the reason i'm feeling a bit down is because i've been rostered back onto evening shifts. for someone who is used to sleeping at 1030 and waking up at 630, starting work in the afternoon comes as a bit of a shock to the system.

the other part that i dislike is the waiting and praying part. the part that knows i can trust a faithful God but wants to indulge in impatience anyway. i suspect it is because of my inherent impatience that i am forced to wait so often. so many evils are born from impatience, if it is great enough. there is already a huge part of me that, instead of encouraging others, is quick to flare with irritation.

it is this wolf that i mustn't feed.