lessons from singapore, and being home alone

i mentioned that we had lunch (dimsum) at tung lok one of the days that i was in singapore. during this lunch, mum told us to eat lotus buns for 'good luck'. then i overheard one of my aunties explaining that the food had been offered to my grandparents. as i looked at that bun, i was suddenly reminded of all of my past guilt at having eaten offered food at my grandfather's funeral. caught and confused, i turned to my brother. he reminded me:

Romans 14:14 As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean.

Romans 14:17-18 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, ¹⁸because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. (NIV)

i realised what an idiot i'd been. God has given me freedom in what i eat, but i still chose to shackle myself. i prayed last night, i pictured God taking my hand and leading me away from my chains to freedom. and freedom, what is that? then i saw myself just running, hand in hand with God, and then i realised i was running to God. what a wonderful kind of freedom.

during the wedding, i mingled with a few of the guests. nobody i met was even remotely near my age, or medical. and it was so refreshing! i love my classmates, so i didn't expect to feel this way. i don't like talking about medicine, mainly because i feel very... categorised when people find out, but this time was different.

i spoke to intelligent people who were genuinely... inspired (for lack of a better description) by the path i've chosen. no, this isn't just the course that all my friends are studying. no, this isn't just the path that all asian parents want their children to take. no, this isn't the course you enrolled in because you wanted to make use of your high TER. no, this isn't the career that you chose to have a comfortable life/own a porsche/live in peppermint grove. it's none of those things, but at the same time it's so much more. after my very mediocre year so far, it felt nice being reminded of that.

this is the first time i have ever been home alone for >24 hours.

i have learnt that being a house wife is not easy. you really have to plan ahead for everything: i can't start the washing machine now because i won't be home to take the clothes out, i have to start cooking the rice now because i am going to be hungry at 7pm, etc. actually, i still haven't started the washing machine and clothes are spilling forth out of the laundry basket.

it's amazing what you can learn/do during times of desperation. perth is very cold right now, and last night i learnt how to turn on the fireplace. i must have only done it a couple of times in the last 13 years that we've lived in this house.
today i cooked my first non-instant noodle/udon meal! haha it took me one hour to cook rice, fry some bok choy (the only vegetable i recognised at the grocery store), and fry an egg. erm. if that seems excessively long, it's because i was the egg in the wok for ages before i realised that the gas was on, but the stove wasn't lit.

going back to hosp this morning was... intense. at first i couldn't find my team, (i'd never met them), but then i spotted my classmate and tagged on as they disappeared into the room. i was standing there, still dazed and disoriented, when the whole scene of a very complicated (medically and emotionally) case proceeded to unfold before me.

i've got to go. 7.30 again tomorrow morning.

four days in singapore

i have a certain aversion to missing classes. i'm always paranoid that i'm going to miss that one mind-blowing concept that's forever going to change the way i understand... renal disease, for example.

so i get a little bit anxious/uncomfortable every time i have to take leave. and i always have to take control of the situation by rationalising the situation and reminding myself that a lot of students don't regimentally follow their clinical rosters.

and it is always worth it. i have never regretted taking the time off, and this time was no exception. i'll try my best to summarise:

friday
6.40am: arrived at Changi airport. caught a cab home, then had a nap.
lunch time: went to town with mum and my brother for lunch
2pm: hair appointment at 2pm.
4pm: back to katong to have my eyebrows shaped. here we bumped into jenny yeemah, who was getting her eyebrows done, too.
4.30pm: manicure and pedicure appointment. bumped into janet yeemah and ah kim. it seems like my whole extended family was having their hair/nails done at the same time!
night: dinner at some local restaurant with the savliwalas, yeemah's family, and weirong gor.

saturday
morning: we went to the temple to pai my grandparents. apparently it was the filial thing to do since my cousin was getting married. when we were standing around outside, i saw my parents talking to this caucasian guy and waving us over. i figured he was one of dad's colleagues, but then mum told me that he's my uncle bob! which meant that nicole's family was around... and before i knew it, there was my extended family again- janet yeemah's family, jenny yeemah's family, and the strausses. so we all went off to lunch together.

lunch: at tung lok with the temple crew, plus the savliwala family.

night: went to funyee's house to hang out with the family. the loreks were there, as well as the strausses. i went over to play with my cousin lucas, and i was like "ha! i found you", and the next thing i know, sophia was tugging at my skirt and saying "now you have to count to ten". well! apparently my hide-and-seek days weren't quite over.

sunday
morning: didn't sleep at all the night before because i had "nobody", by the wondergirls, stuck in my head. jumped out of bed when candice's alarm rang at 5am.

6.30am: arrived at sherlin jie's house. we were the first bridesmaids to arrive, apart from ruiqin, who'd spent the night.

~8.am: groom and groomsmen arrive for the gatecrash! i actually didn't get to see much of the games because i was whisked away to sherlin's room to act as the 'decoy bride'. that is, after charles and his 'brothers' had sung "I will always love you" at the top of their voices, they opened the door to find... me. i told them the bride wasn't here, and as charles turned away from the door, i am sure i heard a "shit! ...i'm going home". haha! of course the other bridesmaids pretended to 'forget' where sherlin jie was, until we were given more angpaos. that's how the game goes.

rest of day: wedding! i was trying so hard to look demure in the wedding procession, but i was so excited about being a bridesmaid that i was unable to wipe the huge, idiotic grin off my face. we got home way past midnight.

monday
morning: frantically googling possible restaurants for dinner.

lunch: at mum's favourite hawker centre on old airport road.

afternoon: went to plaza singapura with josh and nicole to watch the karate kid. then i insisted on getting hokkaido ice cream, because i was still delusional about them having taro-flavoured ice cream. they don't!!! i have been deceiving myself for two years! and they didn't even have any black sesame left, so i had to settle for milk tea ice cream.

dinner: i ended up celebrating my 21st at moomba, which was very fitting because it was an australian restaurant! we didn't book a private room, but because it was a monday night there were very few people and we ended up having the entire restaurant to ourselves later in the evening.

i'd actually planned on taking my presents back to Australia and opening them on my actual birthday, but i could tell from the bags that some of the gifts were very expensive, so i asked for a show of hands from those who wanted me to open their gift. everyone raised their hand! the gifts were pretty amazing, but i can honestly say that what made me happiest that night was that i could celebrate with my family. we're usually scattered all over the world, so it is very special when we can all be together.

the cake was lychee rose-flavoured, and it arrived with some very showy sparklers.

tuesday
flew back to perth today. i think i've averaged four of sleep/night over the past four days, so i am looking forward to a good night's sleep. and then to my 7.30am start tomorrow morning. i really shouldn't have bothered packing any O&G notes into my bag. it was such a wonderful trip, but it does feel great to be home.

random conversation from the trip:
me: "uncle please take me to ________"
taxi uncle: "oh you want ERP or PIE"
me: "err... i don't know, i can't remember. up to you."
-pause-
me: "um, but please don't bring me to JB (malaysia), can?"

orientation week

holidays are over, and this week has been set aside for lectures and workshops to orientate us to obstetrics and gynaecology. these have included history taking, various examination techniques, and other important issues such as grief and Aboriginal health.

it's nice to be in a taught as a cohort, i am thoroughly enjoying the company and communal lunch periods. it's one of those things i miss about pre-clinical life. and the staff are very nice. once i was concentrating very hard on my timetable, trying to figure out how to swap out of my delivery shift this weekend. one of the ladies just came up to me and commented "you look stressed. don't worry, you're going to love it. everybody loves it."

i am sure i will, too. i can recall being terrified of childbirth since i was a child, and even though i'm not going to be the one giving birth, O&G hasn't exactly been something i've looked forward to. but now that i am here, i may as well make the most of it!

the house is looking very sparse now. both of my siblings have packed up their rooms and left the country already. mum and dad will leave tomorrow morning, and then it will be my turn on friday.

wedding mania

watching us, you'd think we were part of some sort of reality tv show.

there is a distinct impression that each family is competing (in a friendly way) against the others to see who is best dressed. or rather, nobody wants to be worst dressed. shopping trips (and believe me, these have been numerous) are a family affair, with every spare man giving their advice on whether this shirt looks good with that tie, this necklace with that dress.

some of the dieting techniques have not been so conventional. take the other day, for instance, where my mother was encouraging me to eat some of the papaya from our garden.

mum: "eat papaya. then tomorrow morning go toilet. then diarrhoea. then your stomach flat."

i think it is just that my seamstress must have envisioned me being motivated to lose weight (and perhaps also grow three inches taller) by her ambitious tailoring. i suspect i am going to end up sweeping the dance floor with my dress.

emails are flying back and forth through cyberspace. there are four hundred guests, but still we have managed to keep it pretty much a family affair. the wedding is next sunday, and my academic leave only commences the friday before. it shall make for a very interesting whirlwind of hair appointments, DIY nail sessions, and rehearsals.

winter break '10

just like that, we're halfway through the semester break. i really don't know where the time has gone- if i tried to allocate the time that i've spent, i would end up with a surplus.

here are some of the things i do remember:
- tetrinet
- meals with friends
- shopping (in a controlled way, i promise!)
- listening to online sermons by pastor mark driscoll of mars hill church, seattle
- way too much masterchef
- lots of walks & housework
- re-reading graceling, by kristin cashore

morning walks by the river with my wonderful prayer partner :)

kaixing is nearly blown away by the chilly wind!

i've never watched a full episode of masterchef before this week, but suddenly i'm hooked. i like adam the best. no, not because he's a lawyer, but because he's a good cook! i like the way he is so enthusiastic about everything, and always so eager to learn. some of the comments by the judges are quite devastating, though. i can see a lot of metaphors for clinical learning!

sometimes i find myself participating in discussions about what i enjoy doing in my spare time. usually i throw out some flippant comment such as, 'what spare time?', but occasionally, i mention books. the most frequent reply is 'oh i used to read, too... i don't anymore'. sometimes i've even found myself the one uttering those words. the thought of losing your enjoyment of reading simply breaks my heart. is it possible to just discard reading, as we would our barbie dolls? if we don't have the time to practice it, could we simply "grow out" of reading?

dymocks didn't have the book i wanted, so i went to my bookshelf and picked up graceling, mainly because it's a stand-alone book.

[spoiler alert!] one of the 'twists' in the book is that the protagonist, katsa, isn't actually a talented killer, as we have been deceitfully led to believe from reading the blurb. she is, in fact, a talented survivor. i think that this revelation could have been explored further in the novel.

you see, all along katsa has been the king's sword. one of the perpetuating factors for this is her belief that she is by nature a ruthless killer/monster. so imagine the paradigm shift that her discovery must have represented! disappointingly, it was quickly summarised in a single comment by her traveling companion: "you have the rest of your life to tip the balance".

katsa's situation reminded me of how we often don't see the big picture. sometimes we can feel like victims of circumstance, but maybe it's just that our perception of the situation is wrong...or simply incomplete. but God, who is in control, sees in entirety. He knows every thread in the tapestry. katsa had a choice, but did not recognise this and therefore forged a path of torture and cruelty. i thought it both fascinating and true that her own perception of bondage became her cage. [end spoiler]

i did a little bit of googling to see when the next book will be out. i found this article from kristin cashore's blog quite amusing! she tries to discuss one of her characters' abilities through physics.

oh and to conclude, my hypothesis was wrong; i haven't really outgrown reading- it is still as enjoyable as ever :)

verse for the day: 1 corinthians 13:12-13

¹²We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (The Message)

car woes

over the past week, my car has been making strange electronic noises that do not obey a consistent pattern. the first time it happened, i had a mini panic attack, and my thoughts very rapidly oscillated between:

1. Oh God, please don't let me die (repeat, double time and repeat)
2. Isn't there a "check the 'check engine' light" light? - Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory (S2E5)
3. Random images of exploding cars from various tv/movie scenes

based on the electronic nature of the sounds, the lack of any specific symbols on my dashboard, and the previous history of a temperamental reverse sensor system, i decided to ignore the sounds. we had sensors installed when we bought the car. they have never actually worked, even after repeated visits back to the dealers. so it seemed like a valid explanation to me.

it just so happened that last night, A and i were going to meet J at the Ellington, and decided to meet first at a nearby street and then proceed together from there. when i sat in her car, i realised that my car's left set of lights were not lit. and thus, the car mystery was finally solved.

it turns out that the left indicator is broken, as are the brake lights. i have no idea why this would happen, given that my car has not sustained any external physical forces. it is with some irony that i recall C's words to me the last time* my car decided to break down on me: "it could have been worse, it could have been your indicators that were broken." well, i was willing to be optimistic then but i now know first hand which was worse. although i would've preferred not to find out this way.

mum is kind of annoyed, she says Candice is definitely going to get a Japanese car when she gets her licence. my brother agrees. but i sort of fondly regard my car as an errant child- just when i'm about to get an opportunity to relax, it throws a tantrum. which does pose a problem for me- do i now have to cancel all of my holiday engagements? hmmm.

*spark plugs; 20-30km/h at passive rights and terrible acceleration along Thomas Rd. i greatly admire the gentleman who patiently drove behind me for the vast majority of that traffic light dotted stretch of road.