lessons from singapore, and being home alone

i mentioned that we had lunch (dimsum) at tung lok one of the days that i was in singapore. during this lunch, mum told us to eat lotus buns for 'good luck'. then i overheard one of my aunties explaining that the food had been offered to my grandparents. as i looked at that bun, i was suddenly reminded of all of my past guilt at having eaten offered food at my grandfather's funeral. caught and confused, i turned to my brother. he reminded me:

Romans 14:14 As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean.

Romans 14:17-18 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, ¹⁸because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. (NIV)

i realised what an idiot i'd been. God has given me freedom in what i eat, but i still chose to shackle myself. i prayed last night, i pictured God taking my hand and leading me away from my chains to freedom. and freedom, what is that? then i saw myself just running, hand in hand with God, and then i realised i was running to God. what a wonderful kind of freedom.

during the wedding, i mingled with a few of the guests. nobody i met was even remotely near my age, or medical. and it was so refreshing! i love my classmates, so i didn't expect to feel this way. i don't like talking about medicine, mainly because i feel very... categorised when people find out, but this time was different.

i spoke to intelligent people who were genuinely... inspired (for lack of a better description) by the path i've chosen. no, this isn't just the course that all my friends are studying. no, this isn't just the path that all asian parents want their children to take. no, this isn't the course you enrolled in because you wanted to make use of your high TER. no, this isn't the career that you chose to have a comfortable life/own a porsche/live in peppermint grove. it's none of those things, but at the same time it's so much more. after my very mediocre year so far, it felt nice being reminded of that.

this is the first time i have ever been home alone for >24 hours.

i have learnt that being a house wife is not easy. you really have to plan ahead for everything: i can't start the washing machine now because i won't be home to take the clothes out, i have to start cooking the rice now because i am going to be hungry at 7pm, etc. actually, i still haven't started the washing machine and clothes are spilling forth out of the laundry basket.

it's amazing what you can learn/do during times of desperation. perth is very cold right now, and last night i learnt how to turn on the fireplace. i must have only done it a couple of times in the last 13 years that we've lived in this house.
today i cooked my first non-instant noodle/udon meal! haha it took me one hour to cook rice, fry some bok choy (the only vegetable i recognised at the grocery store), and fry an egg. erm. if that seems excessively long, it's because i was the egg in the wok for ages before i realised that the gas was on, but the stove wasn't lit.

going back to hosp this morning was... intense. at first i couldn't find my team, (i'd never met them), but then i spotted my classmate and tagged on as they disappeared into the room. i was standing there, still dazed and disoriented, when the whole scene of a very complicated (medically and emotionally) case proceeded to unfold before me.

i've got to go. 7.30 again tomorrow morning.