UTI land

today, i was diligently attempting to complete an operation worksheet. by diligently, i meant i was trying to do it properly- assess the patient beforehand, take their history, scrub in for their operation. this is how it went:

nurse: can you put his catheter in?
me: uh. yes, but i think i'll probably end up contaminating it
nurse: okay then never mind, i don't have time to teach you right now

i proceed to ask my registrar if i should start scrubbing up

registrar: have you put a catheter in before?
me: yes
registrar: okay can you put his in?
(cannot say no to registrar, right???)
me *turning to nurse*: errr hi, i guess i am putting this catheter in after all

what then followed was a bit of a zoo, where i had the nurse, anaesthetist, surgical registrar, and scrub nurse all trying to tell me how to put a catheter in. and apparently everybody had their own preferences.

but then there was one unifying point- apparently, i was not picking up the patient's genitalia firmly enough. i was holding it gently and attempting to thread the catheter through, and then there was a flurry of comments about how i needed to be more assertive. the patient was already asleep by this point, thankfully, because then somebody said that i should pick it up like i would when ------. i was like, huhhhh?? so some kind soul said but she's a virgin!, which the others promptly attempted to clarify with how would you know? she didn't say if she was or not.

i finally decided to announce my presence by saying 'i'm not married'. this prompted a second flurry of comments which is too crude for repetition.

the surgery went on for way longer than i expected. by the time i got out, it was getting dark. also very cold and rainy. but when i checked my phone, there was a message from mum offering to pick me up from the hospital. she seriously is the best.