running after you

i am definitely a morning person. the first thing that comes to mind every morning is either:
1. good morning, God!
2. what a good sleep/:)/i am content
3. my life is perfect

this is not to say that i really do think i have the perfect life, but somehow the morning air/light/smell is optimism and i recall the things that i am grateful for: good health, a loving family (dog included), God's love, education, church and friends, financial security (technically, my parents' finances but i am secure in the knowledge that they will not withhold anything from me :P), car, food, etc.

but sometimes i feel like i am too blessed and it becomes a burden. like, i have so much, and how am i meant to use my life/talents/possessions wisely?

the other day i was having this mini crisis because i suddenly thought about the children who don't have access to education and would never dream of going to university because they don't have the opportunities that i do, and thought: i should be studying harder. i should be making the most of what i have been given, i should be using my opportunities to make a difference.

this was then followed by some heart sinking feeling because of course, what difference am i really making to anybody? and in all my years of living so far, has my life really made an impact on anybody? i am just another overprivileged, but not remotely famous paris hilton. (except not remotely that rich either).

many of us live constantly trying to live up to others' expectations of us- or maybe even our own. but if a parent takes their child to piano lessons, and the child has little interest in the piano, is the child really at fault? is s/he really being ungrateful for the opportunity? (there are many children, perhaps, who cannot afford piano lessons). i suppose it really depends on the child's attitude.

whose expectations are we trying to live up to? and what are God's expectations for us? would someone viewing my life from the outside see a person who is trying wholeheartedly to meet those expectations?

since that day, God has been teaching me new things. i used to love this one verse: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me- Phil 4:13

wow. cool verse, right? if anything was the matter, it was straight to: don't worry! i-can-do-all-things-through-Christ-who-strengthens-me . if ever i am sliding down into a trough, i had this verse up my sleeve to boost me back up onto a peak.

but i hadn't actually looked at the context in which it was written, and it was this- Paul is talking about what he learned in prison, how (verse 11) I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. (verse 12) I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

that verse, i think, is really Paul describing his ability to praise God even in the troughs. thus i discovered a new love for that verse, because how much more amazing is it that we can praise God even in the storms of life! and i have decided, no matter what storms are going on in my life right now, i want to be somebody who keeps running after God, singing praises all the way.